Still sad

[Leanne1191]

Hi everyone,

So it's been a year nearly since my marriage ended due to being cheated on and lied too for months after.

Is it normal to still feel sad about it? I mean I feel sad because I don't get why it happened to me? I keep feeling sad because I have friends and people I know who are all happily married and have been for years yet my marriage lasted 6 months.

In my head I can't quite crasp where I went wrong? What I did? And why this happened to me? I know it happens to a lot of people, but I still have soo much anger too, I literally hate him for what he's out me through and continues to do so, I just can't shake the anger. He makes me livid!

Then some days I just cry, I just burst into tears because I still feel like I'm mourning my marriage, we was together over 8 years and had two children, I thought he was my soul mate and the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with but now I'm left as a single mum, on benefits, just scraping by, still crying and feeling sad about everything he has done to me..... I don't want to feel sad about it anymore, I've seen his true colours over the last 11 months he isn't the man I married but I still can't help but feel I've been robbed off what was meant to be the best day of my life and the rest of my life, I feel like he's stolen what was meant to be my fairy tale ending, I feel like I could never love anyone like I did him again let along get married again. I just can't get past this stage and I don't know what to do? It's consuming me and it's so unhealthy.

What do I do?

Please don't put shitty comments, I'm genuinely struggling with things and don't need anyone's sarcastic and nasty comments. Thank you.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. But the situation has left you shocked and you’re still processing it. Could you access some CBT counselling? It could really help you reframe what has happened.

No nasty comments here OP. I am so sorry this has happened to you. It will take some time to process this shock and you are doing great. You are heading into anger territory which is all part of the process along with upset, depression and eventually acceptance. Please be kind to yourself, you are going through a horrendous grieving process that can take years to rectify. Please do nice things for yourself if you can and you will, bit by bit, rebuild yourself. One day at a time, one emotion at a time. I promise you will get there, eventually.

@FireandBrimstone

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. But the situation has left you shocked and you’re still processing it. Could you access some CBT counselling? It could really help you reframe what has happened.

It's just awful, the pain you experience from it and having to adjust to life without them and there other normal home things is horrendous, I think your right that CBT would be best for me

@litterbird

No nasty comments here OP. I am so sorry this has happened to you. It will take some time to process this shock and you are doing great. You are heading into anger territory which is all part of the process along with upset, depression and eventually acceptance. Please be kind to yourself, you are going through a horrendous grieving process that can take years to rectify. Please do nice things for yourself if you can and you will, bit by bit, rebuild yourself. One day at a time, one emotion at a time. I promise you will get there, eventually.

I hope so as I said a year and I'm still sad. He seems so happy in his relationship with her. I think if he was with anyone else it wouldn't be so bad but the fact he cheated on me with her and is now with her and happy just makes the whole situation shittier.

Sweetie, cheating is a trauma (it leads to infidelity related ptsd) and you’re going through a grieving process.

It is absolutely soul destroying.

Firstly, this isn’t you. It’s him. This is his problem. He has imploded his family to chase a fake ‘happy’. When this new relationship doesn’t cut the mustard for him he’ll do it again. Honestly it’s utterly broken behaviour. Read up on the statistics around affairs, your eyes will be opened to how likely it is for them to repeat the behaviour!

Cheating takes a LONG time to heal from, psychologists working in infidelity talk about 2-5 years healing time. I totally agree from the experiences of myself and those around me. I hate to tell you this but you’ve just got to feel all those emotions and work through them.

Personally, I found reading and understanding why the hell this had happened to me really helpful. ‘Leave a cheater gain a life’ is a very easy book for a betrayed to read. It does help you to gain perspective on what you’re going through.

Focus on building your little tribe, just you snd your lovely children.

You deserved better, you need to start to believe that!

Hi OP, I get where you're coming from. I'm 18 months only just recently got out of the anger phase. It's difficult but it is a grieving process. What we thought we had was a lie and the person we thought we loved wasn't that person.

To top it off we have no choice put to sdier on with our child/children when someday weren't want to get out of bed.

It is true though that it's not us,it's them.i read a lot about it and they have an unfulfilled need inside that is highly likely to always be there- hence why many cheaters cheat again.

I'm at the stage now where I'm glad to be out of the relationship, because I deserve better. I was always loyal and know how to treat someone.

As hard as it is, you will reach the same stage.On the days you're emotional, let it sweep over you because they are just waves, try and distract yourself. This may sound strange but I used to watch clips of Absolutely Fabulous to cheer me up.

As more time goes by the pain will become less and less but give it time.

You deserve better, you did nothing wrong, focus on little things to help you get through the day and over time you will start to feel differently. I still have days where I get upset but they are much less now.

CBT may help.

Focus on the now and just you and the kids.