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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what is wrong with me really need help

4 replies

snoobydoo · 14/07/2021 16:50

it is gonna be long whoever read i appreciate it.

i dont know where to start it. i am married woman and cant stop thinking about someone else. so let me tell you how this started.
feel guilty, but same time finding myself right to feel like this..
married for 5 years . ten years gap between me and my husband. love him so much enjoying together we have son but we have lots of problem.
first of all we living his mum. moved in first place to save money but when he lost his job we got stucked with her.which means she is lovely but i cant even argue with him-someone always in our business.

secondly he is not working nearly 3 years. he tried some stuff but he waste his time with stupid things which i didnt even say anything because i was always trying to be supportive wife. later on covid hits and he couldnt find anything and now he is working in one project hopes it will work.
that means we had a financial struggle nearly 3years. of course he got depressed so am I. i have to thing about everything .

sex life is nearly zero. he is mind not there he has debt he felt worthless he lost his amazing career and he felt super guilty.
just i know he loves me so much but his mind always in money or in our problems.
finally we found out our baby has some health problems. i think it was cherry on the top . i am feeling so depressed. people from outside thinks i am the happiest woman have a lovely family no one knows what i am dealing with even my mum or my best friend. i am very good hiding my emotions.
now all of a sudden i start to fancy someone from work i think my mind just trying to be escape from all this problems and feel like someone else rathet than be myself. i dont wanna do anything wrong i love my family so much and i strongly believe if his financial problems solves our most of the problems just will go away but at the moment i feel trapped and only thinking about this random guy makes me happy. . i am one step away from doing something wrong.

i thought to maybe i will talk to him but what i am gonna say? he is already dealing with lots of things and now he is gonna start to worry his wife thinking about to cheat him?
be honest he is really trying now to fix stuff he is not working yes but he will cook for me before i go home bath baby do everything to just put smile on my face but all this things not enough for me any more and i feel really evil to feel like this.. i feel like my life get wasted in that house .

OP posts:
66babe · 14/07/2021 17:01

Do not cheat on your husband

Sit him down and tell him what needs to be improved
Either work with him or leave him

Do not cheat on your husband

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/07/2021 17:01

It sounds like a really tough situation for all of you OP. I cannot imagine trying to live with family as well as a partner and a baby, that sounds incredibly difficult.

It does sound like your DH wants to make things work. Is there any way your MIL could give you a break so the two of you can have some adult time away from her and the baby so you can reconnect as a couple? It doesn't have to cost money - just going for a walk together might help you feel closer. Or if she could take the baby out for the evening and you could just chill and maybe have sex? Baby aside, I would feel so unsexy being in a house and aware my mum/partner's mum would hear any sex noises so I can't blame him and you for not wanting sex!

It sounds like you're working and he's not? The man you've been thinking about is purely a distraction, an escape from your currently-difficult living conditions. You have been smart enough to realise this, which is great! There's an old saying "The grass is greener where you water it" - meaning if you pay attention and put effort into your existing relationships, they will be much more rewarding, and the fantasy of a magical perfect life with someone else will stop bothering you.

snoobydoo · 14/07/2021 17:16

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

It sounds like a really tough situation for all of you OP. I cannot imagine trying to live with family as well as a partner and a baby, that sounds incredibly difficult.

It does sound like your DH wants to make things work. Is there any way your MIL could give you a break so the two of you can have some adult time away from her and the baby so you can reconnect as a couple? It doesn't have to cost money - just going for a walk together might help you feel closer. Or if she could take the baby out for the evening and you could just chill and maybe have sex? Baby aside, I would feel so unsexy being in a house and aware my mum/partner's mum would hear any sex noises so I can't blame him and you for not wanting sex!

It sounds like you're working and he's not? The man you've been thinking about is purely a distraction, an escape from your currently-difficult living conditions. You have been smart enough to realise this, which is great! There's an old saying "The grass is greener where you water it" - meaning if you pay attention and put effort into your existing relationships, they will be much more rewarding, and the fantasy of a magical perfect life with someone else will stop bothering you.

thank you very much for your respond. she is helping with our baby sometimes but she is not making easier at all. because if my husband not fighting with me he will definitely fighting with his mum.just drives me mad. how many times i just bite my tongue because i dont want to argue but she would never do same thing.

she stays with her daughter sometimes and i realize we are so much happier when she is not around. not because she is bad person she just cant stop talking or mentioning about little things which is nothing to do with her.

think i emotinally exhausted because even your message made me cry :)) i think i just need to be little bit more patience and hope everything will be ok.

OP posts:
snoobydoo · 15/07/2021 09:19

@66babe

Do not cheat on your husband

Sit him down and tell him what needs to be improved
Either work with him or leave him

Do not cheat on your husband

i dont want to do this anyway even thinking about makes me feel guilty
OP posts:
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