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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Insecurities ruining my relationship

5 replies

serendipity159 · 14/07/2021 16:20

I was in a loveless sexless marriage for 25 years, turned out he was gay he manipulated me and basically shafted me for my inheritance, another story. It has left me with major trust issues.
Fast forward and I am now divorced and in a relationship with a guy also divorced for the last 3 years. I am really struggling to trust him, partly because of my past and also he has concealed things which I discovered later but he said anything he has not told me was to save me getting upset. I once asked him to show me his phone and there were texts where he was arranging to meet a woman for a drink after work which he didn't mention to me, apparently old colleagues and it never happened but it's left me paranoid. So...he's been offered another job working in a different company and in the office, not like at home now and I am totally paranoid he's going to meet someone else new and leave me despite him saying he wants to marry me and it's the last thing on earth he wants. I have told him how I feel and he has tried to reassure me but it's just at the back of my mind. He says he won't take this job without my blessing but I feel I am pushed into a corner to say yes (not that I feel I could say no) because he'd resent me for this. I need help don't I?

OP posts:
Hanbam · 14/07/2021 16:26

I’m sorry but it really really doesn’t sound like you’re ready for a relationship. Understandably what happened to your previously has had a tremendous effect on you but this is not healthy. I also wouldn’t be surprised if some of your anxieties aren’t at all unfounded. Either way it’s not fair on your partner to have to reassure you about potentially meeting someone else in a new job.

CorianderBee · 14/07/2021 16:28

Get some therapy babe

premium77 · 14/07/2021 18:07

Don’t tell him to turn down that job. It’s on you to get help

serendipity159 · 14/07/2021 19:01

Of course I won't ... he'd resent me forever more.

OP posts:
hardboiledeggs · 15/07/2021 14:33

I'm sorry that this happened to you. You don't seem ready for a relationship just yet. It's not worth having to worry all the time.

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