should i be worried?

[Dreeemah]

He’s late 30s, I’m mid. We both have very busy jobs but mine is work from wherever, his is not.

We are not around 8 months in, see each other at weekends and now and again in the week. He’s said work is busy the last two weeks so we’ve only seen each other at weekends. I don’t get how work being busy means we can’t see each other in the week...we usually just have dinner and carry on working tbh! The go to bed. It’s hardly like we go out or do anything.

This is the third a week he’s claimed work is too busy to see me in a week day. I’ve offered to go over this evening as I’m seeing a friend this afternoon who lives ten mins from his. He’s said it won’t work tonight. When I’ve seen him at weekends all is fine and normal though.

Would you find this odd? I don’t want to waste my time and wonder if maybe he’s not actually that interested?

*we are now around

Also just to add spoke to him on the phone last night quite late, asked about his evening and he just said he’d been for a walk, cooked and got ready for bed. So no real reason why I couldn’t have also been there?!

Work being busy to me means it's tiring and he doesn't want to do anything in the evenings. Which is absolutely reasonable. I think you're expecting a little too much.

Thanks @YarnOver

Not sure whether I should bother suggesting it again then? Maybe leave it for a bit. In my experience usually people are keen to have extra time together so it makes me wonder if he’s just going off me

I work till after 6 most nights and tbh the thought of having to see someone after work would do my head in.. Don't look to much into it

It depends where you are wanting the relationship to head. If you're wanting a live together , children etc relationship then this seems a fairly slow pace and I would want to know if on same page. If more casual then seems fine.

Sounds like he just wants time to himself

@Bythecooker definitely want all those things. He’s said similar.

He gets very stressed with work and when I asked him directly at the weekend about time we were spending together he just said it was a busy phase.

I can’t help thinking though if someone is really into you they are desperate to see you every chance they get. I wouldn’t have been free tonight until about 8 anyway, just said I could call over after me and my friend get back from seeing a film. But maybe this is my insecurity rather than a bad sign?

Presume you have been to his house sometimes? Just making sure there is no possibility he is married or living with someone?

I know its early days but have you been introduced to any of his family or friends?

@southeastlady yeah been there loads. I’ve even stayed working from there when he’s been out. Don’t think he’s hiding anything like that!

I think I would give it another couple of weeks to see if it is just a busy phase at work. But don't hang around forever for breadcrumbs. Good luck.

I work until after 6pm daily, with start time around 7.30am. By the time I get home on bad days, I simply want to feed myself, wash up, shower, and get ready for the next day. Then sleep. I don’t want to see anyone, and rarely even phone in the evenings, I’m too exhausted.
It’s sounds like he needs the space for himself, as we all do. No matter how much you might like to be together, it doesn’t mean that every spare moment should be reserved for one another.

I’d give him time to get through this busy period. If it’s going on too long, you might have to reassess whether you can live like this.
Good luck!💐

Sorry, sounds like he's just not that into you imo. It also sounds like it's always his way, he always sets the "rules." Fuck that.

[quote Dreeemah]@Bythecooker definitely want all those things. He’s said similar.

He gets very stressed with work and when I asked him directly at the weekend about time we were spending together he just said it was a busy phase.

I can’t help thinking though if someone is really into you they are desperate to see you every chance they get. I wouldn’t have been free tonight until about 8 anyway, just said I could call over after me and my friend get back from seeing a film. But maybe this is my insecurity rather than a bad sign?[/quote]
I think “desperate to see you every chance they get” is a little over the top. But if you can see each other relatively easily (i.e. live close by) then no matter how busy work is, an easy evening in with somebody doesn’t sound any more tiring of difficult than a night in alone. That therefore suggests to me that he either isn’t comfortable enough in the relationship yet and an evening together requires a bit too much effort or yes sadly, he is cooling off on the relationship. I’d probably take a step back for a couple of weeks and see if whatever it is, passes.

"I can’t help thinking though if someone is really into you they are desperate to see you every chance they get."

Absolutely wrong. People have different preferences and desires for closeness. He might be more the call/text kind of person while you need to be in someones physical presence. I suggest you would be better off finding someone more on your wavelength because pushing this with him will just lead him to pull back or worst case invite you over while being resentful about not being able to have his space to himself. Long term, you will break up as its not compatible. Let him breathe and let things progress organically. Dont make this RS your sole focus. Fill your time with other hobbies and friends

It could be genuine - when I'm going through a stressful time at work, in the evenings I just want to do a quick tidy, eat, have a bath, then stare at the telly or read until I go to bed.

Equally, it could be that he's cooling off a bit.

Either way, I think the best approach is to back off, let him lead a bit more on phone calls / messaging / suggesting meet-ups. That way, if it's option A then you've done the right thing backing off while he's stressed at work, and he'll thank you for it. If it's option B it will soon flush him out, and you'll see that he isn't as bothered, and you will have been dignified (and he won't be able to blame you for being 'needy' or demanding).

Sometimes you have to take a step back and avoid over-analysing or sending lots of messages to understand what the real issue is.