DH attitude to money

[MyriadeOfThings]

Getting really annoyed with DH regarding money.
He has always been tight with money, unable to plan ahead and refusing to work together on any financial goals/matters.

So we’ve ended up with a weird arrangement money wise where we have a joint account I never use, a CC at his name (and mine) but I never see details. And my own account.

DH had been moaning about money and how tight things are for years. Up to the point im more or less never using our (his) CC for anything as I know he will see the monthly statement and pull a face.
Dcs have learnt this is his reaction too so they are avoiding asking for anything, Incl for stuff they do need.

Now the issue is that it seems that DH is now miraculously able to save about £700 per month since covid started.
I’m irrationally annoyed/angry. Because this has highlighted clearly that the money ‘issues’ there was were all on his shoulders and we could actually buy that pair of trainers for dc1 wo any major issues. (I haven’t changed anything about my own spending anyway….)
Instead DH has just spent years making me feel I’m spending too much/it’s all my fault when actually it’s all down his own hobbies/activities (that just haven’t been happening for the last year or so)

So he is a selfish wanker then.

His wages only go in this ‘joint’ account. That’s coming from the time I wasn’t working (about 15 years ago….).
I don’t think dh was keen on the idea then. He certainly has never seen it as a ‘joint’ account if that makes sense.

I then kept my own account when I started being self employed because of his attitude towards money and spending. Much easier for me to save money for a holiday/birthdays then and be able to spend it on necessary things wo the constant judgement iyswim

As someone put on another thread, mean & parsimonious are not attractive traits.

I can be tight, so I don't mind having a careful DH but I'm putting my foot down now as it sucks the joy out of life.

Does he object to you seeing credit card bills ?

If he won't sit down & work out a reasonable weekly or monthly budget & stick to it, you'll have to decide if you want to continue to live like this

Might be worth working out how much a divorce & cm would cost him ....

So do you pay him X a month towards the bills or does he pay you? Or do you pay different bills?

@MyriadeOfThings Why on earth do you need a credit card and therefore be building up debt if he's managing to save a huge £700 a month?

Calculate what it costs to run the household plus a bit of contingency, including everything to do with the kids and all bills etc. Then you both pay an amount proportionate to your earnings into the joint account to cover all these things. Every joint cost should come out of that account. Then you also each have a bit of "personal" money left over in your own accounts for any personal spending. Problem solved.

Unless you earn a lot more than him, you sound like a complete pushover OP, i honestly don't understand how you ever accepted a situation where you don't know anything about finances and most of the kids' costs are paid by you??