Is it me?

[Quietriot40]

I cant do anything right. No matter what I do or say I've done something wrong.
If its not work, its home life and if none of those its the kids. I feel like I can't breathe some days or like my head is going to explode.

I'm pretty hands on with everything in our life work is really busy at the moment which is making us both feel worn out. We share the housework as we both work full time. But, what I do isn't good enough or enough full stop according to him. I'm a morning he will wash up the tea pots while I make our packed lunch for the day. That's how it's always been. Now he's got an issue that I don't wash up. I say, we can swap if you like I don't have an issue if you'd like to do the lunch sometimes. Apparently, thats my mardy attitude?
I think out loud sometimes just bouncing ideas off him, planning days out with all the kids trying to work some time in for us to do things as a couple.
His response, will you just fucking decide something and stick to it. But then when I do he's got something to say about it.
He said to me, I feel like I'm having a go at you all the time. Do you feel like that? So I say, I do sometimes.. eyes were rolling, horrible comments about how I never listen. I dot seem bothered about the house, relationship or family life.

He doesn't like how I drive, always commenting how I've done this wrong and I shouldn't do that. He doesn't like me being on my phone on a night time always asks who I'm talking to. This is the guy who's on the phone to his ex every chance he gets, they've got kids together.
He said I'm needy and clingy so I backed off he's not happy with that now. Like what the hell do you want from me?

But then.. I love you so much. I never want to be without you, I'm going to marry you one day. You're the love of my life. You're the only person I've ever truly loved.
It all leave me a little bit confused.
I've said loads of times if there's something you're not happy with, just think about it before you say it because things you do say and the way you say them can sound quite harsh

I feel exhausted with everything.

I don't think you should marry him.

I think you should end things with him tbh. This level of criticism, nitpicking and denigration will gradually ruin your mental health and confidence.

I think he uses "I love you"s and future planning as emotional manipulation to keep you there.

It doesn't sound like he likes you, let alone loves you. He wants you as his emotional punching bag, not a partner.

It shouldn't be this hard. It really shouldn't. End it and move on.

Time to move on. As @category12 said, i don't think he likes you at all (probably he doesn't like anyone and he's just a miserable person).

You don't want this life. Just move on.

I believe he loves me, he just doesn't say things in a nice way. He just comes out with it.

Why don't you believe his actions? Those are not the actions of a man who loves you.

This sounds like a classic abusive relationship to me. You are listing the signs all through your post.
Constantly criticising, putting you down, gas lighting you (making you think you've done something wrong when you haven't) ,belittling you.
Degrading you, making you feel worthless.
There is him criticising you being on your phone because he knows what he is doing is wrong.
Then telling you how much he loves you, can't be without you, you're his world.
Run. It'll get worse. His behaviour will get worse and you'll loose all self belief and respect.
Please Google the signs and then get out.

Sounds just like my ex but he dumped me on Friday ... I feel so lost without him even tho I no they way he treated me wasn't right feel free to message me xx

But does saying "I love you" yet behaving shittily to you undo the shittiness?

You wouldn't treat anyone like this, bullying them, belittling them, making them feel confused and always in the wrong, would you? Let alone someone you claimed to love.

He may love you, but maybe his love isn't worth shit.

I believed my ex loved me, but in the end I realised, that wasn't enough, because he was also constantly hurting me. Being in a relationship isn't supposed to be painful or tearing you down.

Do not make this your life. Its been mine for 15 years. It does not change.

It's my life at the moment . (No kids of our own thankfully )
I'm making half hearted plans to leave but I know when it comes down to it I'll bottle it as usual 😕
Wishing you more strength than I have to actually leave . We know we should deep down 😕💐

Don't stay with this controlling abusive man. He is belittling you...after a while you will start to believe you are useless and stupid...you are not! He is crushing your personality...please find a way out.
This happened to a friend of mine. The abuse escalated so much it was unbelievable.

If you met me and there I was shouting at a shop assistant telling her.
You're crap, why are you scanning my food that way, work faster, you're useless, why did you scan the bread why didn't you reach over and get the onions, you idiot how many times have you done this, thousands and you're still useless !!!

I then turned to you and said, I'm a really kind person.

What would you think ?

I believe you'd think, no you're not, you're actually quite nasty. You may say you're nice but your actions are telling me you're quite the opposite.

Actions speak louder than words. We are so desperate to hear we are loved and needed, that we can fix someone that we forget our normal reactions and convince ourselves they are right.

Stay and continue to be treated like this, or move on.

Sorry lovely but this is not how someone who truly cares and respects you behaves. It is NOT you. You’d treat a stranger with more courtesy than he treats you, how is that right??? Life’s too short, please value yourself as much as you are worth, far far more than him.

Please take heed of these responses. This man likes having you around basically and only to abuse you. He does not love you, does not know the meaning of the word and he is also not above projecting his own self into you either. To an abuser it’s always someone else’s fault, never their own.

You are in an abusive relationship with this individual. How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

But then.. I love you so much. I never want to be without you, I'm going to marry you one day. You're the love of my life. You're the only person I've ever truly loved.

This is classic love bombing, aimed at keeping you in line. While the rest of the time he controls and abuses you, putting you down at every opportunity, gaslighting, eroding your self-worth.

He is not a nice person (understatement...). He doesn't add anything positive to your life. If you stay, you WILL end walking on eggshells all the time, waiting for the next explosion about what you've 'done wrong'.