My husband and I haven't shared a bed for a good 18 months and it is around a similar time since we last had sex. We are only together because of our 9 yr old but things are (generally) not horrible and ocassionally we enjoy each others company but it is clear we are not in love.
Last Friday I went to a garden party with a few friends. I stupidly got steaming drunk to the point that I don't recall leaving, a combination of not eating and giddiness at seeing people. I woke up extremely hungover, fully clothed but bruised and I knew that I had fallen over. I asked my OH and he said I had fallen over several times when I came in, there were tears and I was very drunk.
I do think that I recall having sex with him though. I was clearly completely out of it but had snatches of memory. The especially troubling thing is that this wouldn't be the first time that he has done this when I am out of it. However, he never tries to at any other time. I am disgusted and I know that he will deny it if I bring it up. I have brought it up once before when I woke up during and afterwards I said " I was asleep'. He acted outraged that I would suggest such a thing, told me I responded and then didn't speak to me for days. He has done it at least acouole if times since then but not since we stopped sharing rooms. Would you consider this rape? The upshot is I now have a lump in my vagina that I think is possibly an infection, caused by his thrusting when I was passed out.
I have thought about leaving before, the mortgage is due to be renewed, maybe now is the time? I realise how calculating that sounds but that is where I am at.