Should I leave my husband when I still love him?

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Does anyone feel they aren’t themselves anymore?

(My husband and I have been together 10 years. Two children. 6 and 3.)

I know my husband loves me. I love him very much. I love his family, his parents. I know he’d never cheat. He’s a good dad.

BUT. He has been cleverly manipulative for years. I’ve lost who I am. I can’t make my own decisions. I have no say in money, even though I work. I think he gets this from his own dad. (Who I really like)

His parents are together. But I like Look at his mum and I think. This is not the life I want.

He has control over everything in my life. I’ve tried to explain many times that I don’t want the life his mum has. There is almost too much to explain in one post.

He has a gambling addiction. I’ve had no say on finances pretty much since we moved in together. He’s not at all aggressive. But pretty much whatever he says goes.

I was weak when I was younger. I couldn’t see what was happening. But no I realise my life is not my own. It all comes down to what he wants, he gets.

I’m not happy, I haven’t been for a while. I’ve stuck by him through so much because I love him. But that is slowly turning to resentment.

I don’t want to break up my family.
What do I do?

I see so many of these types of posts on MN. It's simultaneously heartbreaking and frustrating.

I believe that if all women were encouraged to spend a period of time alone; earning and controlling their own money, educating themselves, making their own life decisions etc... many more of us would see just how strong we actually are.

We characterise the reasons to stay in less than optimal relationships as 'love' but far too often it's actually co-dependency and/or fear. If we know that we can have happy, highly functional lives outside of a relationship, we may be disinclined to accept these behaviours.

OP, I sincerely hope that you find the strength to walk away and go on to live your best life.

Your setting yourself for a fall, if he is a gambler, is not careful with money and you have a joint account that you have no access too he could be putting the whole family at risk, your home, etc etc.

There is nothing stopping you from setting up your own account, getting your wages paid into that. I would also be doing a credit check to ensure he hasnt been putting things in your name. I wouldnt trust him at all