When your sex drive doesn’t match

[Dontspeak]

Dp is quite happy with once maybe twice a week. I would like it most days.
I’ve tried sexy underwear, dressing up, spicing things up- he’s just not that bothered.
He loves me very much. But I take this as a rejection.
I initiate it all the time. When we have sex it’s amazing.
We have been together 6 years. Living together for 6 months. Definitely have sex less now we are living together.

Do I accept this is how it is or any ideas how to get his attention?

Don’t think you should accept it, I accepted it in my relationship, and it’s still torture.
Don’t know how you fix it if the desire etc isn’t equal, suppose that’s why people starting looking elsewhere

To me, sex drive and how much you want sex is the same as any other thing you have to be compatible on in a relationship:

One of you likes a clean house and one of you doesn’t care if you live in a hovel.

One of you wants DC and one of you doesn’t.

One of you likes the simple life and one of you likes the high life.

It’s very difficult to meet in the middle, because if the motivation and desire doesn’t exist for pull in either direction: you’re always dragging somebody along with you. If you want to stay together, you just have to accept that “spicing things up” isn’t something which interests him. It’s very unfair to start / continue a relationship with somebody who is telling you quite clearly through their actions that they are not very interested in sex, and try to change that.

I like sex at least once a day and I’d never try to drag along with me a man who was being very clear that sex wasn’t a priority for him. You can’t “get his attention.” And I’d never advocate accepting that “this is how it is.” You’re incompatible, just as you would be if you disagreed hugely on other core relationship issues.

Have kids
Then once or twice a month will be more than enough 😀

But Seriously, Comtesse is right, his libido is what it is. He’s not rejecting you because he doesn’t want sex daily. He just doesnt want it daily.

Sadly this is something that is black and white. You either learn to accept it or end the relationship.
Praying it gets better for you wont make for happy times.

Once or twice a week is not that bad. I'm like you, but I'd not feel rejected at this frequency. The always initiating would probably get a bit more in my head though.

Does he have a demanding job, or kids to look after? And do you pull your weight around the house?

And most importantly. Have you sat down and had a frank discussion about it and how it makes you feel. At least it's there on the table then.

Thanks
No demanding job. Self employed
Pretty good easy life for us both
No financial difficulties
Yes I pull my weight around the house
Dp has no kids
My kids are older and have their own houses.
Yes We have spoken about it but in a jokey way.

As others say, his sex drive is what it is, he just doesn’t want sex daily, dressing up etc won’t change this, but probably will keep him engaged.
You may need to have a proper discussion about sex and your desires, not just a jokey one, and explain what it means to you

Has your sex drive always been like this? I only ask as you say you have older kids and i have noticed that in my 40s mine has gone through the roof. Not sure how long it will last but i suspect the menopause will have an impact...

@sofato5miles

Has your sex drive always been like this? I only ask as you say you have older kids and i have noticed that in my 40s mine has gone through the roof. Not sure how long it will last but i suspect the menopause will have an impact...

There might be something in this. It’s gone through the roof more recently but I put that down to wanting something that I can’t have is making me want it all the more. Iyswim