I'm not sure there's an answer, other than recording every single conversation I have. I'm in a longish relationship - six years and a baby. It's generally a loving relationship, it has been a good one. Although we are arguing more lately. It's a rough patch.
The thing is a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with Adhd. It wasn't really a surprise to anyone, my organisation, tidiness, general ability to lead a stress-free life are sometimes horrifyingly bad. And I have all the feelings of self loathing and failure that come with undiagnosed adhd.
My worst thing is my memory. I forget a lot of stuff. The thing is until recently, I don't think I've ever really forgotten conversations, things I've said or things other people have said. It's usually where I put something 30 seconds ago, or the crucial item I was supposed to take with me, or the time etc.
This last year, I've had a baby my hormones are everywhere, we are a little sleep deprived yes, not massively.
Every argument we have lately, DP generally tells me of something I said, or something he said that floors me. I won't be able to remember it and if it's true, I don't have a leg to stand on in the row. Sometimes it baffles me why I would say or do what he says I did because its either not true or is totally not how I actually think or feel about something.
I've started to suspect theses things aren't true. I've even said, 'are you doing this because we both know my memory is terrible and I can't defend myself' and he said 'no, that would be gaslighting and I wouldn't do that'.
But it's distressing me there seems to be so many details I don't remember. And I still am not convinced. But then, how do I even begin to find out? I can't trust my memory enough to absolutely be 100% sure either way.