past DV + new baby + mind your own business?

[suspiria777]

This isn't my situation, it's one of my sisters' but I don't know how to advise her at all (and it's also complicated by the fact that she is generally vulnerable MHwise).

When she was at uni she got involved in a relationship with an older man (she was a teenager he was late 20s). His two previous relationships were also with teenage (1st/2nd year) students, also vulnerable (eating disorder/personality disorder/history of sexual abuse/teen mum type stuff, similar to my sister in lots of ways).

She was with him for a few years and he was controlling and violent. sexually and "generally". She moved away when she left uni so she was able to leave him, although it took her a few attempts.

Years later she found out he had another very young girlfriend, another teenager or maybe 20 years old. She felt like she had an obligation to try to protect this other woman, seeing the same pattern, so she went to the police to report some of what he did to her.

Long story short, the police NFA/no crimed all of it. I could go into a massive rant about the way the police treated her but I'm sure you can imagine. They acted like she was crazy. (She has had anorexia for over 15 years but she's not "crazy"). She also tried contacting this girl via SM but no reply.

She has now discovered, after they've been together for several years, that this man (who by now must be 40 or so) and the girlfriend (mid 20s) are having a baby. She's really worried for the woman and the baby. I don't think it would do any good for her (my sister) to dwell on it and if she tries to get involved again it could be bad for her -- he could retaliate, it could have serious consequences for her from a legal/MH standpoint. And more generally i'm just worried that getting back into it all will have a negative impact on her mental health anyway.

I feel like I should know what to suggest or how to help her because i'm a psychologist! But I work in lab... i've never been good at people stuff.

Is there a "right" thing to do here? Should I do anything or just ignore? Is there anything she could do to try to protect this woman?

It is a very difficult situation but beyond what she has already done there isn't really anything your sister can do.
It is not her fault or responsibility that this unfortunate woman is in this situation.
It also seems a bit like by trying to rescue the woman she is also trying to rescue her younger self from an awful situation- therapy is the best way to process that.
Reassure your sister that it is not her responsibility.
Did either of his previous girlfriends try to warn her? Would she/ did she listen if they did?
This is on him, and the police for not listening to her.

She has had so much therapy! Obviously she had been having troubles before they met, and he played on those vulnerabilities, but it's difficult to say whether her current issues are down to him or her existing problems or a combination of both. She definitely feels responsible for not keeping better evidence of his behaviour towards her, and not going to the police sooner. She also blames herself for not being believed or seen as credible/a "proper" victim because of her past MH issues, which she sees as her choice/fault (i.e. that she is a failure for becoming anorexic and an even greater failure for not being able to recover).

Ugh, this man is so odious. Classic superficial charm manipulation. I never liked him, i hate him for fucking her up so much.

This woman may already be aware of what he's like. But I think she could do with another attempted warning by you maybe?

I don’t think she should get involved; she did what she could in the past and I don’t think there is anything more she can do. She doesn’t know the current situation and she needs to focus on herself.