Dating abstinence: anyone want to join?

[StartingAgain33]

I'm taking six months off of dating to recover from abusive ex and get myself in a great place. I might not be ready after six months, but I want to at least get to then without looking at a dating app (so easy to do when you're bored!).

If anyone would like to join, we can keep eachother on the straight and narrow!

Did you recently have a thread about your relationship ending Op? Your username sounds familiar. I just wanted to say well done on moving on from a relationship that wasn't meeting your needs.

I'm currently pregnant (solo parent to be via IVF and a sperm donor), so I'm on an extended break from dating and dating apps at the moment! If in the future, I feel ready to date again, I really feel I'll be coming into it from a place of strength (in my case no longer pining for a suitable partner to start a family with), but rather looking for an individual with whom I can be intimate with and share the good times! It sounds achievable, but I know better that even finding someone attractive and to fancy is a tall order...either way, I won't be putting all my eggs in one basket for them so to speak.
Maybe use this time to think about your non negotiables should you decide to go back on the dating apps again at some point? I feel I've wasted so many years compromising in a vague hope they'll be ready, change their mind etc. ugh, no more of that.

Thanks @anthurium yes that was me :) I've done a lot of thinking over the past week and gotten lots of useful advice from this thread, including you, so thank you.

I am currently reading 'why does he do that'. My ex was not at all as bad as the case studies, but I am relating to the general gist of the tone of the relationship. It's quite hard working out what really happened when it's not as cut and dry as him swearing at me / cheating / hitting me / saying nasty things, but he certainly made me feel bad for having needs and that is a pattern I've noticed with others too.

I need to just cut them off asap when they do that instead of blaming myself. It will be one of my non negotiables! But for now I'm quite simply tired of men and rethinking my whole position towards them. I wish I was gay. It would be much easier. But for now feeling relieved to not have that boring, drama queen deadweight around my neck moaning all the time about the latest storm in a teapot.

Women abuse women too. I have a female narcissist ex who nearly destroyed me. It's not unusual. Physical violence is a bit less common, but it's adequately compensated for by emotional abuse.

I know this wasn't the main body of what you were saying, but I wanted to point out that that kind of stereotyping isn't really ok.

Aside from that, well done for getting out. I've been single for ages now, and it's going to have to be a real corker who blows my socks off to overcome how much I like my single life.

Enjoy!

Oh dear. I had hoped it was at least not as common with women. That's what my female gay friends tell me, that it's easier to find women who can meet your emotional needs. Im sorry you had such a difficult experience though!