Breaking up with a good guy?

[GuiltParty]

I’ve never been in this position before since I’ve mainly dated narcs and abusers and it’s been blatantly obvious that I should have left months or years before I managed to get out. This feels very different.

We’d been friends for many years beforehand and I’m feeling upset about losing our friendship.
He’s so helpful and kind, I worry I won’t cope without him.
My DC (one with SEN) adore him and he’s been a good influence. Their father is not involved. Will they suffer or hold it against me?
He has very low self esteem and struggles financially. I don’t want to ‘kick him whilst he’s down’.

But, I don’t really fancy him and he has a medical problem that impacts me and I want to get out before I start really resenting him for it. It’s already creeping in. Maybe these things don’t matter as much as I think they do?

I think about it a lot but when it comes to it, I bottle it, can’t find the right words, and the guilt is crushing. So how do you break up with a good guy?

Tactfully and with respect I think is the best and only way to do it.

I'm in a similar position although only in the early dating stages.

It's hard, but ultimately you have to put yours and your DCs happiness before theirs. Letting it drag on could be more damaging for all of you.

I'd approach it from the angle of how you'd like to hear someone telling you the same thing.

I agree with the pp. I dated a really really wonderful man but there was no spark/chemistry from my side. As much as i wanted there to be. I had to have a conversation with him face to face. I was honest because before he came along i was happy being single and i told him that i just wasn't ready for a relationship even though i thought i was. It hurt my son a lot as they had grown close. It was strange to be breaking up with someone as i'm similar to you and have gone through the break-up speach but been on the receiving end. I'd come to really rely on him and loved his company but purely as friends so i was worried how it'd be not having him around as he didn't want to be friends. But honestly i was so relieved once everything was off my chest and have moved on and met someone who i really do have feelings for. For his sake and yours better to move on so you can both be with people who truly want to be with you.