Old feelings resurfacing?

[Kee67]

I've already posted on this topic but over the past year I've started spending time with my DDs dad as a family weve been having days out, going for meals etc. We went away last week for DDs birthday for the first time staying away. It felt strange and I was on guard and couldnt completely relax.

Anyway, he messaged at the weekend to say all this had to stop because he gets too attached and it hurts him. I've messaged him tonight saying I thought it was good for DD to see that we are really good friends and can co-parent well.

He said he will always respect me but becuase I was the girl who he loved and he was best friends with he said it's too hard now.

I feel really gutted. I felt like he was such a good friend who I could talk to about anything and enjoyed us all spending time together. I feel like I'm going back through break up (makes me feel stupid )

Why am I feeling like this? Feel so confused and upset

Anybody?

You might have felt that all romantic feelings were gone and happy to convert to platonic good friends, but it's clear that he does not. He was hurting trying to pretend. It was all fine for you, but not him. I think you need to respect his decision and work solely on the coparenting without this facade of good friends.

I'm curious to know who initiated the split?

Yes I agree with @Thingsdogetbetter

You need boundaries and you both need to be able to live your own lives whilst being good co-parents. Going away together isn’t really usual for people who have split up. Why did you split up?

I initiated the split 2 and a half years ago now. We were together for 10 years I was 18 when we got together and he was very controlling and emotionally abusive to the point where I completely lost all my confidence. I've been working on this and building myself back up. He had counselling and seems like he has grown up and changed a lot.

I just feel like hes been such a good and close friend this past year, who I could call and chat to and talk through any issues I was having etc. Now I feel a little lost that I cant really contact him outside of pick up and drop offs.

He asked me if I wanted to go to an event with him on my own last week and then he said he cant do this anymore because its hurting him.

You initiated the split for good reasons. He is unlikely to have changed much deep down, so I think you need to do the right thing and leave him to have his own life without complicating it with mixed messages.

Reduce all but essential contact

You can't be just friends with someone you're in love with

I didnt think I had feelings like that but I feel gutted that we cant spend time together. Feel ridiculous talking about this IRL so just wanted to process this on here.

I think perhaps WiseWoman meant your ex OP.

Hes now asked if it is a good idea if we have a talk at the weekend