Fed up of DH

[StrawberryMargarita]

I really don't know what to do about my relationship. I'm fed up. Its really good in a lot of ways but I feel like I'm just fed up all the time. Is it ok to leave a relationship over a few little things?

Today when I was cooking tea I accidentally burnt my hand. It hurt and I did like a yelp and swore and rushed over to the sink to put it under the water and its ok now but he didn't even look up from his phone or ask me if I was ok.

He talks at me all the time, but if I start telling a story about my day he often won't reply, or cut me off to change the subject back to his story. If I say anything to him about it then he just says hes tired.

He never has anything nice to say about me. Yesterday we watched something on telly and the person was describing their best ever time having sex. He asked me mine and I told him and I asked him his and he wouldn't say, just said he couldnt remember, and it's because it would be like giving me a compliment if he said a time was good so he wont do it.

They all sound really little reasons but theres a million others, I'd be here all day listing them. He does have a lot of good points too and I sometimes wonder if it's because I'm a bit depressed in general but I just feel exhausted from all the shit. I know this isnt AIBU but would I BU to leave him?

No. He sounds an utterly self obsessed bore. You can leave a relationship for any reason.

Relationships should enhance your life, not drag it down.

It's ok to leave a relationship for any reason you want!! And it sounds like you have plenty reasons. Sounds like death by a thousand paper cuts. He sounds horrible.

It is often the small things that tip us over the edge. It sounds like the relationship isn't about both of you, more about his wants, stories or interests. I found myself in a similar situation, we have separated and looking to find our own places. I know we will still be friends and be able to co parent our child but I needed/need someone who was there for me. Just me as a women, partner and friend. If you don't feel like you have that, then I don't think it's a small or silly reason to end things. Hope you are able to find your own way with or without your dh.

It definitely feels like its all about him. I think I've been too much of a door mat, I don't know how to stand up for myself.

We went for a walk together yesterday and he was talking about our 5-10 year future plans, and its just not what I would want for myself. But for a lot of people it would be lovely. So why do I have such a problem with it? I feel like I'm being ungrateful.

Agree with pp you don't need a reason to leave. You are allowed to end it at any time and not justify it to anyone. No need for a big long talk etc. Honest.

My LTR throughout uni, we were headed towards marriage etc but I just didn't feel right. Couldn't say why, to him or friends or myself. It just felt wrong somehow. I ended it, he cried, but in the end I just felt a massive relief. 3 years later I met my now DH and I am happy I had that faith in my instincts to end it. It would have simply been wrong for me. I still can't quite describe why, but I know I would have been utterly miserable.

Trust your instincts OP. You're looking for someone to blame, but it's not your fault, it's not his fault either. It's just one of those things. Life is too short to spend another minute feeling like this.

Honestly that's not being ungrateful. If he hasn't asked or taken into account your thoughts and wishes you are understandably miffed about it. Just because on paper it looks good doesn't make it a life worthwhile. I'm sure if you felt cared about and had a say in 'Your' 5-10 yr plan you'd feel differently. This is your life as well and you deserve to be happy! If you're not happy walk away, in fact maybe pack you stuff and run!

Do you have children?

He sounds like a selfish bore.

Doesn't sound like you have children, so get the hell away.

The burnt hand is enough for me.

Don't waste your life on him.

We went for a walk together yesterday and he was talking about our 5-10 year future plans, and its just not what I would want for myself. But for a lot of people it would be lovely. So why do I have such a problem with it? I feel like I'm being ungrateful.

But you're not 'a lot of people'. You're you. And you want what you want. Your needs and wishes are just as important as his.

Did you try telling him what you wanted instead, or was he just telling you?

Honestly, you don't have to overthink, this: you don't feel the relationship is right for you, so you can leave.

He ignored you when you hurt your hand, he doesn't listen to you, he doesn't compliment you, he's uncaring. That's enough to leave, really.

No, we've no DC. Neither of us have been fussed enough to really commit to having them. But to me, that means we could do anything and really enjoy our lives. He just wants to work and save money, which is honourable, I want to work too, I enjoy my job. But for example, his work will pay him for untaken holidays so he barely takes any. Whereas I would love to use our holidays to travel together. There's no compromise with him, he wouldnt agree to spend half and save half. When I bring up differently or what I want it either causes an argument or he says things like, when the mortgage is paid off we can do that.

He's so inconsiderate regarding your feelings that perhaps you could level things up, by telling him you're leaving him because he doesn't go with your new shoes?

@StrawberryMargarita.... remember, life is what happens while you're making other plans...

Currently you are drifting through your one and only precious life, trying to appease this man who has little or no imagination about what life could be.

You don't really want to live like this, do you!

It sounds like you are incompatible. Thankfully you have no children so it would be less traumatic to trial a separation to give you some space to work out how you feel.

He’s not right for you, and staying with him is draining you. He’s the reason you feel exhausted and depressed…..

[quote FlowerArranger]@StrawberryMargarita.... remember, life is what happens while you're making other plans...

Currently you are drifting through your one and only precious life, trying to appease this man who has little or no imagination about what life could be.

You don't really want to live like this, do you![/quote]
Very wise words.

Women like you who drift on and stay, bitterly regret the decision.

Be brave, seize the day.

No kids - easy decision. This one is not for you.

Seems like he has the veto on everything. A relationship is meant to be two way where you give and take. I agree, I don't think you're compatible.

I thought I was depressed. Turns out I wasn’t depressed - I was married! Getting less married immediately made me happier.

I have eaten in some great places (he hated eating out). I am happy to eat out alone.

I’ve had some great holidays just me, kid and dog.
Had great weekends away with just me and the dog.

Bring single isn’t a hardship!

You only get one life, it seems a shame to waste it sitting at home so he can add another zero to his bank account.

Your health is your wealth too and that's getting spent by the process of ageing whether you get any value from it or not - there's no point putting off going away until you develop an intolerance and can no longer digest rich food, which is starting to happen to so many of my friends now, or develop back pain that means you need to sleep in your own bed to be comfortable and can't tolerate a night away.

If you have the money to live comfortably enough and you have the energy and mobility - that's the time to have your adventures.

My xh has many bastard qualities but sabotaging communication and being boring were not coincidental bad behaviours on his part. He knew he was doing it. Give it 5 years, can you imagine how bored, lonely and angry youll be then?