Bear with me its a long one I'm just trying to get it all out as much as looking for advice.
I have been with my DW for 16 years and Married for 10, we have two daughters 8 and 3.
Since our youngest has been born DW has been getting more and more withdrawn from family life. It wasn't the easiest birth ending in a forceps delivery which upset her greatly at the time. I supported her the best I could by doing as much as possible when I was around taking extra time off work etc.
About the same time DW was starting to have lower back pain so she had some chiropractor sessions which didn't help much. It took me a few months to convince her to go and visit her GP who sent her for physio. Physio didn't help and DW wanted to give up and ignore it even though she was in pain. I convinced her again to go back to the GP and tell them that so they would try something else, they then referred her to the spinal clinic to see a specialist. Unfortunately Covid kicked in at this point, she was due to see the specialist the week after lockdown kicked in so that was delayed. Eventually video called the specialist in May 2020, MRI August 2020, Urgent Consultant appointment October 2020 and then finally had her treatment in May 2021 which seems to have relived the pain for now from a bulging disc pressing on her spine.
Whilst waiting to get treatment DW was in a lot of pain so I did everything whilst she was on bed rest but tried to keep her involved with family life as much as possible. Arranging trips when lockdowns allowed where there wasn't much walking involved of the car was nearby so she could rest when she needed to.
Despite all this she understandably became isolated as she was WFH so didn't get any adult contact apart from me. She found a Dicord group that shared the same interests as her which was great but she has become absorbed within that world.
I try to have a conversation with her but she just shuts it down with one word answers. If I try to talk about what she's interested in or done then I get suspicion if its a neutral subject or something I'm interested in then she just shuts the conversation down.
DW said she was thinking about leaving in April but I asked her to wait until her treatment was successful and she was back in the office. I didn't want those two things having an impact on her decisions and wanted everything to be as normal as they could be before she made a life changing decision.
A typical week at the moment is I wake up Monday - Friday 0630, if the kids are up earlier or wake up before I leave at 0715 I will make them breakfast. DW will wake up at 0715 make breakfast if required and then sort out their lunches and take them to the childminders. DW then picks them up at 1645 brings them home hands them over to me and disappears upstairs to the bedroom. I make them dinner, play with them bit of school work then bed. Weekend I will get up with the kids whenever they wake up feed, play etc. DW will emerge anywhere from 9-11 get some food and disappear again. I can be running round trying to keep to kids happy and sort everything else that needs to be done at the weekend. If I for ask for help DW will emerge but stays glued to her phone so she doesn't miss anything from her friends does the bare minimum and disappears away again.
If I'm not there she manages but but when I'm around she leaves it to me. I'm exhausted as I'm so stressed by the whole thing I can't sleep (not helped that DW sits in bed typing away on her phone with her friends until the wee hours). All I want to do I yell at her but know that won't help and it will just make me the bad guy.
Don't really know what to do at this point, want some sort of resolution as I can't carry on like this but don't want to destroy my kids life as they know it.