No interest in intimacy after child

[KateEC91]

Hi,
I was wondering if anyone has had the same experience as me and things turned out ok.
My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years, very happy, have a 16 month old. I breastfed for 3 months then went to formula, so I’m sure this isn’t a hormone thing.
I hate intimacy. I hate being touched, kissed etc... I find the lovey movies I used to like cringey at best, I’ve cried (privately) after sex because I find the whole thing gross. I could happily not have sex again, but of course realise that this is very unfair on my partner whom I care for deeply.
I’m petrified that I don’t love him anymore. We get on really well, but things have changed lots since we had our son and we get no time together now.
I have sometimes found that sex feels incredibly fake as he seems up for it all the time whereas I only feel even remotely ok with it when we have spent time together which is rare (we have been on our own without baby 4 times since his birth). Otherwise I just feel used.
For context, my partner is amazing. He works ridiculous hours all week but on weekends he lets me lay in, he’ll hoover, clean, we do things as a family, he helps with cooking. He’s the most caring and thoughtful person and I am fully aware of just how lucky I am. I wish that solved the issue.
I deep down think I feel trapped. I feel like my exciting life is now over and I’m staring at a future written out for me. Pre-baby, it would never have crossed my mind that I’d want to meet anyone else. I still don’t, but I do wonder now because everything feels so serious and grown up. I’m 30, so of course it does, but mentally I still sometimes feel 16! I wonder if I’m with the right person, if I love him enough, if I’m attracted to him enough etc. Of course, with me disliking sex, this fuels my fear of things not being as they should.
I’ve sat down and envisaged being taken on dates by celeb crushes (ridiculous I know... told you i’m mentally 16) to see if that stirred any feelings but I really couldn’t care less. I just want to be left alone but can’t bear this hurting my partner.
I would love to feel like having sex again but it feels like that person has gone. Also... the last time we were intimate my partner started ‘dirty talk’ and I nearly vommed. It just made me cringe so much. It doesn’t suit him at all and made me feel so guilty.

I absolutely adored the bones off of this man. What has happened? :(

I can’t believe some people are advising you to leave and that your sex drive/life will never return!!! Imagine if you were a man posting this, oh my wife gave birth and now the thought of having sex with her turns my stomach what should I do?

By no means am I slating you, OP. Just pointing out the differences in replies had you been a man. FWIW I’m currently pregnant and my sex drive isn’t what it used to be.

Personally I think you need to take it all back to the beginning. Start dating, do exciting fun things together! Can you get a babysitter or family member to help? It gives you something to look forward to together which will help bring back those feelings

He kind on yourself. You’ve had a baby, your hormones will still be everywhere and you’re probably feeling touched out! But please don’t throw your relationship away just yet

@Umberellatheweatha

You dont want sex anymore. That's all there is to it. Perfectly understandable after having a baby too.

It might come back somewhere down the line. It doesn't sound like it will for you and your partner though.

I think youd be wise to call time on this relationship before your kid is old enough to be distressed by the change.

You dont love him in the way a partner should anymore. And that's ok. But you need to stop making yourself have sex. No one should have sex they dont want. And you need to set him free.

It sounds like if done right he can remain a friend and the coparenting relationship can be healthy.

Don't be so ridiculous, she should end the relationship just because they are having a blip!!! Is that the value you put on relationships???? I've never heard such nonsense.

A lot of people lose their drive after having children or for a myriad of other reasons and there is no reason why it won't come back. The important thing is you love him.

You could fake it till you make it, or get counselling or just relax about it. It is not the be all and end all when you have a small child.

My ex husband dumped me after 20 years of marriage because during the menopause I didn't feel like having sex all the time (temporarily). He is regretting it more than he's regretting anything in his life right now and keeps asking to come back but there is no way I'm ever having him back for showing such little support for me during such a difficult time.

If the marriage breaks up over not much sex when the baby is little then it wasn't a relationship worth keeping.

LOADS of people feel like this after having a baby, I felt like my life was over at 21 but it was temporary. Just wait it out. Fuck me some people shouting at you to end your marriage. You will not feel like this forever. A baby is a LIFE changing experience.

I think how you feel is normal having had a baby. I definitely felt that way after my first , and for a while after my second but just think what your body has done. You've grown a human, which is no mean feat, and you've given birth to it. If you had a natural birth then the body part that you were previously using for sex takes on a whole new meaning of what it has just done. You could be sore, or in pain or if neither of those that body part has still been used for something radically different than sex .....so that you don't feel like sex is perfectly understandable. I didn't have a natural birth and never could have done but still, I had the overwhelming feeling that my body had been doing something so monumental and so different in growing another person.... That for a while I couldn't contemplate sex ....but it changed ...and I could again.... And I definitely do now just like before. I absolutely wouldn't break up because of this. You say it's not hormones but 16 months isn't that long after baby....

Thank you all so much for such empathy- filled, compassionate responses. I appreciate each and every one of them. I was pretty upset hearing some views that I should end the relationship as that isn’t what I want at all, I just can’t work out why I have such a dislike of intimacy. Your answers have been so beneficial and really opened my eyes. I’m so grateful that this is normal!!! Xxx