He's obsessed with my friend

[AceSpades]

I'm getting sick of DH going on about my friend. Its like he hates her for no real reason and he can't help himself moaning about her.

He rips the piss out of her because she eats soup when she's not ill (he was brought up only eating soup when ill) and goes on about how pathetic she is because she goes to resteraunts on her own with her kids. She's a single parent so if she didn't take them on her own they wouldn't get to go but he finds it hilarious.

He goes on about how "she really thinks she's something" because she took the kids to get the christmas lights switched on??? I asked him if he wanted to go and he said no, it was too cold etc but laughed like mad at her saying she was trying to be middle class.

The latest thing is that she's gone back to university. He won't stop going on about it saying she has delusions of grandeur and "whats the point" etc etc...

I know it sounds stupid as I explain it but its starting to make me wonder what is so interesting about her that he feels the need to dedicate so much of his time to calling her names.

A few months ago he was furious that she'd booked a holiday abroad saying she shouldnt be able to as she's "not even working". I asked him out right if he dislikes her and he said that he doesn't have a problem with her but he obviously does. I'm sure she's noticed too.

Am I being paranoid?

he's either having an affair with her or needs to get a hobby....

I think he dosnt want you to get any ideas so hes slagging her off . DTMS As in she seems to be independant and he dosnt want you to follow suit .

is he trying to get at you through criticising her - in a displacement kinda way??
is this negative about anyone else?

He's negative about everyone really, if they don't do things exactly how he does he winds himself up over it but with her its like an obsession, every little thing she does.

Another one was that she started taking her kids swimming on a tuesday night. When I mentioned it he got really angry and said "oh for fcks sake, another little routine she's decided on is it?? doesnt she ever get sick of being so fcking perfect?"

She suggested I save for euro disney and that she would do the same so we could go together since DH doesnt want to go and he was furious and started saying she better keep her nose out of our life so maybe he does see her as a threat.

sounds like he is projecting alot on to her. hard for you though if she is a good friend.
have you ever challenged him directly on this??

Yes I asked him why he constantly went on about her and he said she just winds him up, that she always has to "be in" with everything. Like the christmas lights...she just "had to be there" and I told him she goes every year as the kids like it, its really not that sinister!

He's also got it into his head that she is trying to show me how great life is as a single parent, thats what annoyed him about the euro disney thing, he reckons she's trying to break up our family.

He's been close to having it out with her a few times, I don't invite her around anymore as I'm scared he will say something to her and upset her.

Sounds more like he's trying to break things up. He really sounds like he has problems. Do you think he is having an affair and is trying to keep you away from her by slagging her off or maybe he tried it on with her and she pushed him away, so now he just really dislikes her???
i'd tell him to f*ck off and grow up and take more notice of his own family instead of someone elses.

Sounds like is in insecure & worried that you will how great her life is & want to leave him.

will see how great

She has clearly got under his skin. I'm afraid it sounds like he tried it on with her and she rejected him. It's not only women who react when scorned.

Perhaps you should ask her and see her reaction. Even if she denies it (to save your feelings), you'll be able to tell if she's lying. And, if you know he'll respond negatively to anything she does, why do you continue to tell him about her life?

Well, there are several possibilities.

1. He hates her
2. He fancies her
3. He's carrying on with her.
4. He propositioned her and she told him to get stuffed.
5. He is jealous of how close you are with her.
6. He hates you having anyone else in your life.
7. He's a bitch and likes to slag folks off.

I was about to post Hekate's no.5.

I think he sounds jealous too.

What's he like with your other friends?

My dh slags my friends especially my attractive single parent friend!
If I have a go at him about anything he blames my thinking on my chats with her as if I have no mind of my own for nagging him with!
I think that my husband and friend find each other attractive (though it's innocent and he fancies me more ) And I think my husband is a bit jealous of me having friends or any life outside him.
So if he slags my friend I slag his friends (who really are silly)

He is being horrible Your friend sounds like a great mum and is just trying to do the best for her kids.

It sounds like he is worried that you may decide you don't need him as she is doing so well on her own.

have just read the OP so sorry if it has been said before.

I would also worry that there was a bit of attraction there?

Also, I have been an attractive single parent in my youth and my friend has been on her own for a long time and we have discussed how people do seem to be threatened by a single woman generally. (It is strange )
It sounds like your friend is doing brilliantly at managing on her own. I hope she finds a worthy partner as I also hope for my longtime single friend.

Message withdrawn

Perhaps he feels inadaquet (sp) that she is managing fine and does so much with her children, maybe he feels he is letting you down, does he do much with your dc?

He doesn't like the way she doesn't need anyone. It challenges his belief that your family wouldn't cope without him - clearly she, as your friend, would show you how to cope. He sounds dreadfully insecure, and if I were you I would refuse to discuss your friend with him - but don't stop seeing her!

He will accuse her of being a lesbian next. I'd put money on it.

oh yes my dh does that!

Whatever else, he certainly sees her as a threat to his control over you.

Don't give in and not see her.

However, I'd stop talking about her to your dh, don't feed him titbits of info on her lifestyle, then he'll have less to criticise. Or is it possible he'd find out about her through other people?

If you want to test his reactions and see if he has any 'history' with her, start talking a lot about the lifestyles of some of your other mutual friends. See if your dh takes the bait and starts criticising them a lot, too. If he's not bothered, it could be that there is more behind this.

it's middle class to go and see the lights?!
I think he's very very threatened by her independence and the fact that soem of it might rub off on you. he does sound very controlling. I agree the next one will be 'shes a lesbian'..
Do Not Let Him make you drop her - that would be a dreadful defeat for your own independence.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but your husband sounds like a deeply insecure, angry man. has he always been like this, or is it a recent occurence?