Good distraction techniques

[Loveabitofrain]

Hi all. Last year I asked my partner to leave due to messaging other women. This site was a life saver in all honesty! I stupidly took him back a year ago (believing he had changed) and its the same story, a few months later he is back at it. So I have asked him to leave again, which he did 1 week ago.

I absolutely know this is the right thing but it hurts like hell! He is yet to collect the majority of his things. I have put most out of sight.

My question is what can I expect from someone like this (narcissistic traits, toxic) as I want to prepare myself.

Also what distraction techniques are good? Anyone got any ideas? I have been seeing/speaking with friends, shopping, have some beauty treatments lined up. Anything anyone else did/does that might help me? I feel it important to be on my own to heal from this. I already feel really anxious about this Sunday (because it tends to be a quiet day) and we are only on Monday!

I am normally a fun loving crazy sort of person so I found this ultra hard!

Thanks x

He will almost certainly think of this as a 'break' rather than the end of the relationship- after all, you took him back last time. He will probably be really nice to you and apologetic for his behaviour for a while- remember that this is his way of keeping you on side for when he decides he's ready to resume the relationship. It is not in his interests for you to move on, and he will probably be aware that you will be feeling lonely etc so he will try to keep in touch with you (under the guise of being a nice bloke really and wanting to be friends). Remember that if he was really a nice person, and he cared for you at all he would not have been so disrespectful to you.

If you don't go along with things his way (eg. not keeping in touch, not seeming upset/lonely, making it clear you don't think he will change) he will probably become unpleasant to you and try to blame you for his behaviour. He may try to belittle you and/or make you feel unhinged/unattractive. Do not give in.

As for distractions, see friends as much as you can. Maybe start a new hobby or activity- if Sundays are quiet perhaps organise something to do every Sunday (eg. join a walking group, invite a friend over for lunch). If all else fails post on here!

@littletinyboxes thank you so much. Really funny what you said about the 'break'. When I found some inappropriate comments on social media (not the first time either) he said I think we should separate for a while 'as I just cant have you keep looking at what I am doing'. He's right really; I can't and I shouldn't have to, so it was me that said actually Id like to end this completely, you cannot be trusted and I cannot be with someone who zero respect for me!

Thanks for the tips to xx

Sorry you're going through this.

For me, a great distraction from intrusive thoughts is audiobooks. The worst times these creep in are when doing activities like housework or gardening etc, which don't require much concentration. Make your mind concentrate on the story and it really helps. More so for me than background music.