Still devastated, one year after separation

[ThirdTimeIucky]

Just that really. I instigated the separation, we've sold the house and live in separate homes.

For a while I thought there might be a way back, but he is back to his sullen, angry, self pitying, destructive ways.

And I feel again like a bloody fool who has been taken for a ride. I still love this man. I desperately want a family, to be part of a family. I absolutely hate being a single Mum, where I think I'm just not doing enough. Or being enough for her.

My life is a complete bloody mess. And I just can't pick myself out of this despair. I'm 32, and I just feel like my life is over.

I think of all the good times, all the things we have enjoyed together, the shared hopes and ambitions, dreams. And they were often amazing, and remembering them makes my heart break. But the bad was honestly too bad.

How do I start afresh? I feel like all the hopes and dreams and goals have been stripped out from under my feet and I don't know what I'm doing, or hoping for or aiming for. I'm just drifting. And utterly miserable.

I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. I felt similarly depressed after my marriage broke up and it took a while to get back to feeling vaguely normal again. Have you got supportive friends and family around you? I had to force myself to go on nights out with friends and almost fakes feeling happy until I realised I actually was ok. Counselling could help with working through the grief.
Try to think about what you want for the future..a new job, learning a new skill. Whatever it is then try to make it happen. Having smaller, easier to achieve steps will all help to reshape your future. Good luck OP be brave and take one day at a time. You WILL be ok, it just doesn't feel like it at the moment.