Ex beat me up help me understand my feelings

[Nightowl1989]

Me and my ex partner have been broken up for nearly a year we remained friends and over time we became best friends. However it is clear now he was just taking advantage of me asking for lifts and borrowing money from me, at weekend he borrowed £10 and told me to get it the morning after I went round and he told me I couldnt have it I asked why and he said it was because I wouldn't take him to the bank to get it (closer for him to walk to collect his daughter) I said I weren't leaving till he agreed to transfer the money later on he then got out of bed and head butted me three times punched me in my face and kicked my leg, I did hit him back but I've been left with a large bruise on the inside of my mouth a small black eye bruise on my leg and a very sore nose. There was a lot of blood at the time.
My mum rang the police and they have said regardless of whether I give a statement and want to press charges or not they will be doing anyway, he apparantly has history of hitting women.
I'm scared he will come and hurt me and my daughter when he finds out what is happening with the police and I do want to press charges but this scares me.
Then on the other hand i feel guilty that he will be upset as his daughter is on a child protection act and he won't see her anymore but he doesn't deserve to see her I just feel so confused going from angry and wanting to press charges then feeling bad and sorry for him as his father was extremely abusive he has a history of heavy drug addiction and had been taking drugs the night before he assaulted me.
Please don't think I'm pathetic I just need help understanding why I still have compassion and empathy for someone who had none for me and still hasn't even attempted to contact me to apologise not that I'd accept it anyway

You're doing the right thing and it's normal to feel confused and mixed up. He's a thug OP and I'm glad the police are going to charge him. Are they offering you any protection? Non Molestation Order or DVPO do you know?

I'm not sure they booked an appointment for next week to come speak to me and talk about my options to keep me and my DD protected.
I just can't understand how anyone could do that to someone that does so much for them. I honestly considered him my best friend.
Maybe I did still have feelings for him and this is why I feel so bad if he was to go to prison or be prevented from seeing his daughter.
His ex (child's mother) rang me on a private number 21 times after because obviously he told her I'm not sure why she was laughing at the fact he'd beat me up and harrassing me then when she realised she was being recorded started saying I'm lying and that I fell over! And that if he's not battering me than she will forever more. She has also attacked me before and this was caught on camera so the police want to go ahead with prosecuting her as well so their child and her other child both on child protection acts will go into care, I don't feel bad that will happen to her but I do him I hate that I feel this way because I know I shouldn't care I just want to move away.

I know. You're being really brave. Do you have any support from a domestic abuse organisation? They can help you with your options. You might also find counselling helpful to talk about these feelings which are absolutely normal. Your feelings will swing from hate, to anger to compassion and back again. It's all normal.

You need to get some kind of protection in place which means that if he comes near you, you can call the police and he'll be arrested.

I have no idea about his ex but block her number if you can as she sounds messed up in the head. Abuse creates a very strong bond called a 'trauma bond' which is maybe what she's feeling. It's why you get victims of abuse, attacking people trying to save them from the abuser. It's a survival mechanism there to keep you alive but it sometimes works against you, stopping you from leaving.

Work with the police, do what you can to protect yourself from this man. I'm glad he has to keep away from your children. You're doing so well. I hope you're ok and were checked out by a Dr.

You have compassion because you’re not an evil bastard. Unlike him and his awful ex. The pair of them should be ashamed of themselves and their DCs will be better off in care than with this pair of violent arseholes bringing them up.

You’ll be doing the right thing by pressing charges. The fact that they’ll go ahead without you says that what he (and she) did is wholly unacceptable and they believe they have a good chance of a conviction. Either way having it on record will be helpful for you going forward.

They're such horrible people, he wouldn't seek out to attack me but she would if she knew where I live if their children would be taken they wouldn't care if they weren't legally allowed to be near me. I'm just scared.

Thanks for your kind comments. I want to punch myself for worrying and caring about he is going to be feeling.
What I've learnt from this is you can't fix people

You may feel like you want to punch yourself but from the outside looking in I want to congratulate you because you are being very courageous.

It is incredibly difficult to report someone you love to police, much harder than reporting a stranger or someone who has been consistently abusive. So well done.

Try to be patient with yourself, you have - and are still going through a traumatic ordeal and you need time to process what is happening. You also need support - from professionals and trusted friends/family if all possible.

Family harm is complex. Most women (and I say women because in the main it is women who are beaten by men) try to leave 20x before they manage to end the relationship. That in itself is an indicator of how challenging it is to stand up to an abusive partner.

Staying away can feel lonely and also scary with conflicted feelings around guilt, loss and relief.

Try if you can to focus on your own needs rather than his or his children's. Firstly because you need to heal and secondly because the best thing you can do for him is to give evidence against him so that he has to confront his demons. It's also the best thing for his children. But mostly it's best for you, you need time and support to accept how you ended up in this situation and to learn to care better for yourself.

You deserve better and once you heal, you will naturally care better for yourself and keep your distance from abusive people.

Don't give in to the negative messages in your head, that's your self loathing trying to get through. You can do this x

You're being very brave even if you don't recognize it right now.
I know what you mean though because even now, years after I left my abusive ex, I still sometimes talk to my second husband in a nice way about ex. It's weird and very puzzling for my lovely DH but I still talk as if past relationship was normal.
Hope you and DD will be ok