I think I'm going to leave

[MonkeyBeard]

We have a DS 15 months. 'D'P has always been a moody bastard, but it's got out of hand.

I've caught covid and I'm being treated like shit. He refused to speak to me or my son yesterday, today he pushed me out the way as he won't stay in the room with me. My son is clingy and the couple of occasions DP has been with him he's cried until I've come for him.

I can't teach my son this is okay. The good can no longer outweigh the bad. I have to go as soon as we can, don't I? Even though it's hard it will make life better.

I’m sorry you are ill and he’s treating you and his own toddler so badly.

How can posters here support you in your plan to leave ?

I have a plan and a very supportive family member who will come and get us when our isolation ends next week. I'm physically safe, my son is happy if I'm in the room which I will be now.

I would very much like a space to just be supported. I know he'll try and weedle his way back on to my good side and I'd like to be reminded I can still leave if that happens before we go. He'll also make me feel hideous when I say we're going.

I guess, just be here and on my side ;) thank you

I don't blame you at all. I think what you have to do is to leave as short a time as possible between telling him you're going and actually leaving. Accept he'll say horrible things - if you predict now what he'll say then you can tick them off as though you're playing a game of Bastard Bingo.

You can do this. You deserve so much more and so does your child.

@HollowTalk

I don't blame you at all. I think what you have to do is to leave as short a time as possible between telling him you're going and actually leaving. Accept he'll say horrible things - if you predict now what he'll say then you can tick them off as though you're playing a game of Bastard Bingo.

You can do this. You deserve so much more and so does your child.

Even better, tell him after you've left.

You are doing the right thing by leaving.

OP

One thing that is quite common is how many women post here, get support/advice to leave and months later find further strength from their thread by re-reading and realising (again) why they left and how far they have progressed mentally since that first post.

That's why it's worth thinking of this as an anonymous diary.

Don't post more than you feel comfortable with, but post enough to be able to "jog"
your memory about how you feel now for your future self to read.

There is lots of support here for you. People are even here during the night if you need to check in.

Do you want to make a list of all the things he will say for your Bastard Bingo chart?

What about

So who is he ? / I always knew you were cheating on me and now I have proof

You are destroying our child’s life / our family

Are these the kinds of things he will say ?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4289091-does-anyone-want-to-be-friends

I like the idea of bastard bingo. I'm not sure what he'll say - he'll probably accuse me of going off with someone else, and taking away his son. Usually I just get the silent treatment but I figure that's not so likely as he knows that won't stop me leaving.

I thought I'd tell him after DS goes to bed, the night before we're going. He should be getting up early and going to work the day we actually leave. It seems cruel not to tell him before we go somehow.

He was being lovely by the time we left. He was actually very sad and resigned to what was happening. I said I needed some space and for him to consider counseling.

I don't think he'll do the counselling. I'm so sad and I want to go home, but I can't make it a happy home on my own. I'm literally heartbroken.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so utterly bad inside. You've done the right thing. Your child can't grow up around him, your DC deserves better.

What the alternative? You try and try and try to make the relationship work all on your own? You'll be exhausted by it, you deserve better than that.

Here with a handhold OP. X

Oh please don't go back to him,dear! It's the cycle of abuse-kind and good then abusive-if he was abusive 100% of time it would be an easy decision! Just remember you have to protect yourself and your son.