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Relationships

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Anyone else feel like the odd one out at family get togethers?

7 replies

Becka09 · 11/07/2021 19:35

My family (as in parents, aunties, grandparents etc not husband and children) are nice people but i have always felt like the black sheep or the odd one out at family meals / get togethers. We are very, very different and I’ve always felt like this since being a child but I’m now 33 and still feel very out of place and often quite low the same evening after a family occasion but I can never really put my finger on why.

I’m vegan, left wing, stereotypical ‘hippy’, did lots of backpacking in my 20s before I had children, all that stuff. Very sensitive and I care a lot about the environment. My family are very right wing, pure carnivores, all quite materialistic and I think generally think I’m a bit daft / soft for some of my views. As I said they’re still nice people but I just feel so so different and always feel quite drained and low after meeting up with family. I sometimes feel like my mum isn’t actually that keen on me or wishes I was more like her but that could be my sensitive side! I love my mum but don’t get the impression we would click as friends if we weren't related and met each other.

Just wondered if anyone else felt like this / suffered from black sheep syndrome! I think I’m feeling it more because I’ve spent less time with friends due to covid / having young babies and I always feel recharged after spending time with like minded people.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 11/07/2021 21:07

Black sheep - yeap. Bothered by it - nope. Would we be friends - nope. Do we love each other as family - yeap. Do I want to fit in - nope.

YouShouldLeave · 11/07/2021 21:27

Yes.

Everyone else has take very traditional path.
Marriage and kids.
I’m the only one (not including actual kids) who is single, never even dated, doubt that ever will and i am very much childfree.

Definitely the odd one out.

Bananasforhammocks · 11/07/2021 21:35

God yes. From a young age I always had a passion in life. I am still a passionate person, with a few different passions but like you I care about the environment, very Chris packham-esk type person, photographer, nature lover etc.
My parents and my sister don’t do any that type of stuff at all. My sister lazes about in her jammies watching tv in her spare time and I love the outdoors! We are worlds apart. My mum loves shopping and hates the outdoors. I hate shopping so much!
I have nothing in common with my family. We don’t spend time together apart from the odd dinner…even then I come away drained and a bit annoyed with them. If I bring up anything I’m into or what I’m doing they change the subject like it’s totally boring them or they don’t take me seriously.
I’ve sent over a few pictures I’ve taken to show them and they never reply. It’s actually quite hurtful. I should really stop looking for their validation to be honest.
My sister and parents meet up and go to the pub, spend time together.
I feel like I don’t fit. I’ve never felt like I’ve fitted. Now I know why.

aliensprig · 11/07/2021 21:39

Yep, we're also vegan. My husband's brother literally calls us "the vegans", we don't have names anymore Grin thankfully haven't seen him in quite a long time!

PlanetTeaTime · 11/07/2021 21:44

Yes this was me

Have you not seen them all for a while? You might find you end up having a nice time OP. I think lots of people feel like this getting back to seeing their extended family.

Good luck I hope you end up having a nice time x

Theoscargoesto · 11/07/2021 22:27

I may have found my people. I’m over 60, my parents died quite recently and I have long felt ‘other’ to the family. Parents deaths has highlighted issues. I am difficult, always have been. But genuinely no one else who cares for me sees me that way. What I find hard is that I care. I wish I had the self-confidence to believe it’s their problem not mine, but that’s one of the results of being out of the loop.

user11129563 · 12/07/2021 00:10

Yeah, the remaining bits of my family, they're not bad people but they're very different from me and I don't get the impression they actually enjoy my company, which is a shame.

By contrast my "out-laws" are fairly warm and positive folk - possibly because many of them have been through the mill a bit, and so are willing to cut people in general a bit more slack.

It's personality and outlook I think, as some of my late relatives I got on just fine with even though we were on different sides of various political/cultural divides.

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