Secret smoker partner

[Jr2020]

Hello mums I need advice here.
So I safely bedshare with my baby and follow the 7 safe sleep requirements. My boyfriend was a smoker before I bedshared and stopped due to me wanting to bedshare.
Been bedsharing now for 8 months, and a message popped up on his phone today from a woman he works with and said something about smoking, I then went on the chat because I felt curious, then read him previously messaging her asking for a break at work as he’s dying to have a fag, asking for a cigarette etc. I feel so upset and disappointed as I’ve shown him all the research beforehand on bedsharing risks if one of the parents is a smoker. I’ve told him on so many occasions I’m proud of him for stopping so quick.
How the hell do I confront this? Without looking like a control freak that I looked at his messages?
Yes I have trust issues, my mum left me when I was 12, I have forever trust issues so don’t get at me for looking on his phone.sad
I briefly dropped it in convo today with him, said he smelt like smoke when he comes home from work and asked him to Be honest if he smokes, he flat out denied it AND SWORE ON HER LIFE.
What the hell do I do?

If he smells of smoke he sleeps on the sofa. Simple. Swearing on someone's life is a teenage thing to do and when it comes to your babies safety.

I think tbh it is highly unlikely anything would actually happen if he smokes and bedshares however as a bereaved mother (there was no way of preventing it) I know that there is just no way id take that risk.

And meaningless when it comes to your babies safety* sorry!

Thankyou for your reply. He simply says he smells of smoke because others around him smoke. I know it’s unlikely anything would happen, but the fact he knows the dangers of it yet still does it secretly. It’s like he’s secretly putting our babies health at risk

I'm sure my midwife told me an hour after smoking was ok. Just not to smoke in bed...which is a huge no.

Yes handling baby is ok after smoking if you take precautions but you can’t bedshare if any parent smokes as you exhale the toxins in the night which can Be passed onto baby

OP is right you know www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/fact-sheet-smoking.pdf

Yes it's probably not massively high risk but it's a risk that could be avoided, and a risk that you didn't consent to taking with your LO @Jr2020 .

On the sofa he goes if he smells of smoke, even if he claims it's from other people. I think that's the only way you can handle it unless youu say you somehow accidentally saw a message, or admit to looking.

Is there any way a “friend” could have caught him smoking walking past work? Rather than u admit what you saw