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Original poster

Weekend plans with DP

18 replies

atypicalcat · 11/07/2021 16:19

Am posting here again for traffic!

I'd arranged to swap weekends with my DD's Dad so that I could spend some time with my DP. We don't live together and we have opposite weekends with our DC so child free time is very rare.

The plan was for him to come over some point Sat morning. We were going for dinner and cinema in the evening. He turns up at 3pm as he'd been at a friends.

Fast forward to today. Plan was for him to be at mine until he goes to his friends at 4pm for football / pub pre drinking. It gets to 11 this morning and he says he thinks he's going to go the gym. He leaves at 12.

Am I just being a bit delicate or do I have the right to be a bit pissed off! I'm annoyed I went out my way to swap weekends for DD (her Dad never agrees to swap!).

DP literally doesn't see any issue with anything he's done and has now got the hump with me for saying something.

OP posts:
LockdownLisa · 11/07/2021 17:03

Did he know you'd asked your DD's dad to swap weekends specifically do you could spend the weekend together? If so, yes, that's a pretty shitty way to behave. From your first sentence, I assume this is fairly typical behaviour?

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 17:07

Sounds like You are not a particular priority for Him..

YANBU 🌸

TwilightSkies · 11/07/2021 17:11

Yeah that’s shitty of him. Don’t blame you for being annoyed.
He obviously gets every other weekend child-free to do what he wants: see friends, gym etc. This weekend he should of appreciated you swapping your weekend and made an effort.

Do you really like him?

girl71 · 11/07/2021 17:12

Hmmm, maybe let this one go. If he also has his kids alternate weekends he perhaps wanted to use some of his own free time to see his friends and go to the gym. Your arrangements did sound a bit loose for Sat morning. I appreciate you may have expected more but, that is largely driven by your ex's difficulty/reluctance in changing visits. Personally i would not let this be an issue. Maybe suggest he lets you know if he will be late in future, or has other plans also. What time he will realistically / think he will arrive ,tsot, so that you can go do other things. He has been a little thoughtless but equally yr arrangements were loose and he too has to fit in friends and gym in his work free/ child free time.

Did you discuss with yr DP prior, that you had swapped weekends before you swapped? It is also Euros final weekend!!!! Personally, i think you picked the wrong weekend to swap.

I am single, working FT and my youngest DC goes to their Dads every second weekend, through their own choice ( Dad is great and would have DC every weekend). I personally do have other people to see and things i like to do on a free weekend. I personally would feel very claustrophobic if i was expected to be with a DP every free minute and/or check in. This is why i have chosen not to enter into a serious relationship with anyone.

With kindness OP, i think your idea of this weekend was different to your DP's. I think if you are looking for a more structured/ traditional type relationship you need to spk to yr DP to see if you are on the same page.

Like you, like me, he has children, friends , gym/ hobbies and FT work and , is trying to juggle them all. It is also an historic football weekend!!! I personally think you are letting your own expectations cloud yr judgement on this. He cannot be everywhere all at the same time. I would be angry and feel "hemmed in " if you had had a go at me for the same. Timings were loose and he was with friends and then at the gym. He is doing his best with the limited time that he had. You are expecting more than he is physically capable of giving. If you are not happy then you need to move on from this relationship and find someone more available.

TooWicked · 11/07/2021 17:14

It’s a bit crap isn’t it. You’ve gone out of your way to arrange to be child free, and he couldn’t even spend 24 hours with you.

StarryNight468 · 11/07/2021 17:16

He's not that into you, sorry to put it bluntly but he's not. I wouldn't be pissed off, I'd move on.

Original poster
atypicalcat · 11/07/2021 17:19

We've been together 4.5 years so I am hurt that he couldn't even manage a full 24 hours!

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 17:24

@atypicalcat

We've been together 4.5 years so I am hurt that he couldn't even manage a full 24 hours!
jesus... then you're DEFO not his priority ... 😳
OrchestraOfWankery · 11/07/2021 17:28

You're a very small part of his life. Accept that or move on.

Flgbusterhereagain · 11/07/2021 17:33

Sounds like the type to always do what he wants! Bit selfish of he knew you swapped specially to spend time with him.

How long have you been together? I'd probably throw this one back, people don't magically become more thoughtful.

Flgbusterhereagain · 11/07/2021 17:35

Oh wow just saw your update. 4.5 years??

Maybe he thought if you didn't have explicit plans he could do whatever. But you're probably not on the same page if you want to spend time together and he doesn't.

EKGEMS · 11/07/2021 17:40

Dump him

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 17:48

@EKGEMS

Dump him

I wanted to say this...

but got the fear 🤣

girl71 · 11/07/2021 19:09

Yr DP is quite rightly using his child free weekends , maintaining friendships and taking care of his physical health. He spent Sat night and Sun morn with you. He works, he has kids alternate weekends, he has friends to see, he works out on a child free weekend. He is spending Euros weekend with his mates. He has 48hrs every second weekend.

You are not married. You may have had plans for this whole weekend but he clearly didn't. 4.5 yrs together is a relationship
, but, in my view it is a relationship that will come into fruition when kids are grown and left home . Communication is poor here.

I do not think you are both on same page. I think you need to fill your life outside of this or any relationship. You need to lead a more full life. i suspect yr DP is looking forward to when all children grown . I do not think yr DP wants to bring any more children into his life and to be honest nor would i. I suspect your DP is looking to your longer term relationship when you are both child free.

QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 03:15

Yr DP is quite rightly using his child free weekends , maintaining friendships and taking care of his physical health. He spent Sat night and Sun morn with you. He works, he has kids alternate weekends, he has friends to see, he works out on a child free weekend. He is spending Euros weekend with his mates. He has 48hrs every second weekend.

He shouldn't agree to the arrangements he agrees too with OP then, should he Hmm

Sakurami · 12/07/2021 03:49

4.5 years and neither of you can swap weekends with your exes so you coincide?

I would be angry and hurt op.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 12/07/2021 05:52

@atypicalcat

We've been together 4.5 years so I am hurt that he couldn't even manage a full 24 hours!
I would be hurt too OP.

I'd also be bothered about 'pre-drinking' but you may not be.

MoreAloneTime · 12/07/2021 06:04

I agree that he's probably not that into you. It depends on what you want out of this relationship

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