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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband left me

7 replies

Lollypop456 · 11/07/2021 14:26

Hey, I’m just really looking for some support. My husband left me. We met at school age 15, first everything’s. He is 31 now. We married 3 years ago and lived together after marriage. I found out a few months ago that he had undisclosed debt. We agreed to refinance this. I found out he had been messaging another women. Swore blind it wasn’t romantic but I don’t believe him, I’m sure this is why he says he has no feelings for me. He wanted space, I gave him that. After a week of not speaking to me, despite once texting me saying he loved me and telling my sister he couldn’t see life without me, he has now said he lost sexual feelings for me and there is nothing that can change his feelings. He said you don’t sleep with your best friend. He said he has been thinking about this for a while and has tried to be attracted to me. I’m gutted, I’m lost. I’m not naive to think the marriage was perfect, there were faults. He has said he will pay me the money back. I know I have to move on, but right now I’m so lost and grieving the life I thought we would have.we were going to have a baby. He doesn’t even want to be friends, he says he does, but he isn’t bothered, he’s living his best life. New clothes, talking about getting a flat, I’m not expecting him to text Me like before but I did also think he would be kind. I know - not my finest hour but I suggested getting a drink as friends, he said no and then said maybe someday we can grab coffee. It’s so sad to see someone who I thought was my future cut me off in this way.

OP posts:
MMadness · 11/07/2021 14:49

I’m sorry.

What a crap thing to happen.

Whatever emotions you feel are appropriate. I’d suggest not trying to be friends. It’s a weak excuse from him anyway.

Just focus on yourself and what you need to get through each day.

Aprilx · 11/07/2021 14:52

I am sorry, I can only imagine how difficult this is.

He doesn’t sound like a bad person and he is doing you a favour on the friends matter, it won’t help you to try and build a friendship at this point, you will only be hoping that it turns back into a relationship. A clean break is hardest in the short term, but for the best.

mummymeister · 11/07/2021 14:58

At the moment you are in shock. you are also grieving for the life you thought you had ahead of you together. grief makes you think and do off things and that is where you and your head are right now. he clearly has found someone else I am afraid. men rarely leave without the next person in the wings and whether thats a short term fling or a longer relationship who knows. but please dont be that person waiting round for crumbs from his table. you deserve more than this but getting yourself together is going to take time. so take that time. dont message him or contact him. think clearly about how to divide up the assets and what you need to do to move forward. consult a solicitor now so that you arent caught on the back foot. and please, dont beg him to come back because if he does it wont be the same. good luck I hope things work out for you.

Howcanthisbe123 · 11/07/2021 14:59

He doesn’t sound like a bad person, grabbing a drink is a bad idea and he does t want to lead you on further.

15 to 31, everyone changes, no one is the same person they were when they were 15.

I’m sorry your going through this but he did say he tried. You can’t make someone feel something.

Lili132 · 12/07/2021 08:47

I'm so sorry but I just can't imagine being with someone since I was 15. I think most people would struggle.
You also never had an experience of first break up, mending your heart, finding love again etc. They are all crucial experiences of youth which teach us to be stronger, to be able to move on and have trust in the future. It must be even harder for you now.

I know you are shocked and it hurts right now but you need to move on from him. And you will be fine. When I parted from what I fought at the time was the love of my life I felt like dying and waited for any crumbs he was throwing my way. Today I'm thankful that I'm not with that person because I much prefer and love my current partner and we are far better suited.

Don't hold on to the dead piece of wood.

Workinghardeveryday · 12/07/2021 09:09

I am so sorry you are going through this, you must have so many emotions going around your head.

I totally agree with all pp, you can’t make him feel differently no matter how much you want him to right now.

I have been where you are and it’s a very lonely place, I felt my world as I knew it was over. It was in a way, but you know what, I did get over it, didn’t take as long as I thought at all. I just moved on one day and realised he really really wasn’t all that, that actually I really could do a lot better! You just need to get to that point which you will. Think about it, it would be very cold if you weren’t feeling like this for a little while no? It’s only natural.

Instead of being so sad about your future think about how amazing it’s going to be. You are going to meet the right man, he clearly wasn’t him. Be in love and all that goes with it, the intense love of always wanting to be together etc, not what you ended up with recently! You really do have everything to be excited about, life is going to get so much better for you xxx

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/07/2021 09:13

Sorry OP- you will look back though and think how glad you are that this ended whilst you are young with no kids- you will meet someone new in time.

As for the money- how much does he owe you? Keep any written proof that he said he owes you money etc

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