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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

After being in an abusive relationship I constantly over think and second guess myself

2 replies

RoseMartha · 11/07/2021 10:53

Every time my exh is displeased with something I do. (Which is most weeks). I mean a normal choice like taking the internet or phone away from my dc as a consequence. Or emailing the school about a problem one of the dc have. Or a bigger one like going away with kids for a night. I end up feeling like an emotional wreck and blaming myself for doing the wrong thing when the rational part of me knows that I did the right or ok thing.

I feel like I am on a fast hamster wheel and cant get off it.

My kids try and treat me as he does.

They all call me a coward for getting divorced and tell me I should have stayed married because I ruined the family.

The kids and exh constantly put me down and insult me. Doing NVR with kids and have outside support with this issue re the dc.

The kids tell me they hate me but they would prefer to live with me than their dad. They tell me they use me to get what they want from me.

My ex expects me to run every little decision past him and when I dont all hell breaks loose.

In some ways I feel more restricted than when I was married.

I try and stick to my boundaries I have made but with emotional attacks on every side I just feel so pressured to give in. Or I feel like I am making bad choices and not being considerate or I am selfish or I am really unworthy.

OP posts:
LunaAndHer3Stars · 11/07/2021 12:51

Do you have any support, just for you? Thats a lot to deal with and a lot to unpack. I've seen the freedom program recommended a lot on here for women who are in or have escaped an abusive relationship.

How does ex contact you? Sounds like there's a lot of contact. Block him and just have one form, email where he goes straight to a folder or a phone you only turn on once a day/week, then you can deal with him only at specific times.

This thread might be useful, talks about a lot of these things. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4289714-The-hurt-after-realising-you-were-with-a-narcissist?pg=1

RoseMartha · 12/07/2021 19:50

Thank you @LunaAndHer3Stars
I have heard if that yes. It never falls on a convenient time.

I have a couple of friends but I feel bad if I keep talking to them about it. I did have some counselling but it was 8 sessions but I can re apply for more in September.

Calls, text and I see him in person at drop off and pick up. He was insisting I went out with him and dc for days out but I have stopped that now.

Thank you will check it out.

OP posts:
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