60th birthday blues

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

I am absolutely dreading the new year. It's my 60th birthday and I'll be spending it alone.
I have never been part of my mother and stepfathers family. They told me they won't be seeing me on my birthday as it's "all too much at our age".
The the next week they announce they are flying to Australia to see one of my step siblings for two months. A 23 hour flight is apparently is not too much for them to manage.
They have not invited me to their house either as the covid risk is apparently too high despite all of us being double vaccinated.
I don't know how the hell I'm going to get through the day, either I do a 12 hour shift and hope it passes quickly or take a couple of sleeping pills and sleep through it.
I have no interest in doing anything on the day on my own.
Another year, another shit birthday that nobody cares about.

That's a bit shit of them, to say the least. Have you told them how it's made you feel?

They wouldn't care. They have excluded from their lives for years. I'm never invited to family birthdays or christmases.

I'm in exactly the same position and spent my 40th and 50th at work too
Will do the same for 60th in a few years

Could you arrange a small thing with friends or work colleagues
What would YOU like to do
Spa day ?
Taster menu ?
Stately home visit?
Country walk ?

I'd stop thinking about the family , it's gone
Do you !

Why don’t you book a singles holiday?
It sounds as if you need to start making a new social life for yourself and you need to start joining classes or U3A.

"Spot on"/best advice from mdh2020.
Are you familiar with the old saying "A long road awinding"? In your case, when the time comes, with a clear conscience, you'll not need be involved in any care they require at any time in the future.
Take mdh2020's advice

Your mother and stepfather are being a bit premature in their planning. I know the new year is a few months away, but Australian government has not stated when they will open up borders for international travel. They may not even be permitted to enter. Apparently, approximately 40,000 Australians are still trying to get home.
I agree with others, if budget and time off permit, plan an amazing holiday for yourself. I have been to NYC on my own. Lots to do there.

Op, your post made me sad. What would you like to do? Your mother's treatment of you is cruel. Just because she doesn't want to mark your birthday doesn't mean you shouldn't.

It's my 50th next year and I'm currently single and not interested in meeting anyone right now. I'm not going to let that stop me marking a milestone.

Have you been single long? Is that what is behind your sadness?

Oh, OP ... Make this second half of the year the time you stop, once and for all, looking to people who don't care about you to make you happy.

I don't know your work or financial situation - but are you really not free to choose to have fun elsewhere? Perhaps you don't have siblings, perhaps you don't have close friends or colleagues - I don't know. But you have yourself and the whole world. Are you not physically fit enough to arrange good things for yourself? Because I really cannot see why the absence of these two particular people should prevent you from celebrating your own life.

Plan something to do that will make you feel positive. Forget about your family. There must be something - organised trip, dinner with friends, your favourite activity? Don't let other people make you feel it's not worth celebrating.

I struggled massively with the prospect of being 50 and couldn't decide to organise anything. But had youngish children and took them for a day out in the end (suited to them, not me). For my 60th, which I was also not too keen on achieving (!), I made up my mind to go for it and organised two parties. Felt much better to have acknowledged it.

I have no interest in doing anything on the day on my own.

I'm very sorry that you are facing this. I hope you find the strength to take control of your life, and do enjoyable things for yourself without these people who add nothing.

All the best.

Op I was 50 last weekend. Been nc with both dps for over 20 years.. My choice. Maybe time you backed away from those who make you feel rubbish?
Happy Birthday!
And hope you don't get Covid days later like I did!

I don’t have nightmare parents, but mine died early, along with my brother, and although my friends are nice, they wouldn’t think to help organise something for a big birthday. It’s not stopped me doing something special for me though. I’m 50 this time next year and I’m putting away £25 a month to spend on me. In the past I’ve done spa days, RHS gardens, shopping sprees with lunch somewhere nice, NT properties. Next year I’m going to book a nice hotel in the Lakes, and go walking for the day on my own. Then I’ll have a nice tea, and will take a bottle of bubbles to watch TV with.

Do something for you - it doesn’t have to be with anyone else.

Sorry you are feeling this way op . Your mother's treatment of you is simply awful . Please take this as a sign that your expectations of the relationship are never going to be fulfilled and put it behind you. It's difficult with Covid, but do you need to broaden your life to include friends, hobbies, day trips, volunteering, interests, choir, culture, pet ownership, allotment, sport? Please promise yourself that in five years time you will be too busy and your life will be too rich and busy to worry about what your mother and SF are doing and you won't need them to celebrate! And indeed you don't need them this year either! Treat yourself And if treating yourself doesn't feel right, how about reframing it as "pleasant distraction" eg lovely M&S grub, some cake, a bunch of gorgeous flowers and a Netflix film of your choosing ? I hope you are able to have a lovely few hours to celebrate your birthday

I had a big birthday a few years ago ( pre covid)

At the beginning of that year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do & I cracked on & did all of them & even more than what I had planned !
I did something every month

So, during the lockdown, I had lots of amazing memories & photos to look back on

I don't know what your budget is, but you can get some real bargains eg static caravan in October, not during school holidays less than £100 at the seaside for 5 nights

Or you could buy a National Trust yearly membership

Or start a new hobby

If you don't drive look at over 60 reductions on train or bus or megabus

Please don't spend the day at work

Life is for living !

Good luck

Another suggestion

Look at subscription boxes delivered to your door

You can receive something every month, quarterly
Choose something that you would enjoy or try something new

Treat yourself !

Give up on them @Shehasadiamondinthesky
I have had to give up on my shit parents recently.

I agree, treat yourself. What would you like to do? I've always fancied going to see the northern lights. Maybe 3 nights in a lukurious hotel in rejkievik? My birthday is a winter birthday too. It's harder to arrange something nice for yourself. I'm single and my parents gang up against me to make themselves feel like a stronger unit and better people, so i have just given up on them now.
Look after yourself and take yourself on a short holiday.

Oh big birthdays can be so shit. On my 40th I had a phone call from my dad. I thought he was phoning to say happy birthday, but no, he had no concept it was my birthday, he was just phoning to tell me he had terminal cancer. I was so determined to have a better 50th (next month) but it's not going to happen. Covid and lockdown have wrecked my fragile friendships. I thought my 40th was going to be the worst birthday ever but my 50th is saying "hold my pint"

My50th was in lockdown too do i decided to make it all about the DECADE but i feel like ivecwasted a tenth of the decade watching netflix and getting plump

I have complex PTSD from childhood abuse and neglect so find it difficult to be anything but a recluse, I do work full time and love my job but my mental state makes it hard for me to get my act together with regards to being social.
I've been thinking I'm going to change my birthday to June instead of winter for a new start, someone suggested visiting gardens and I LOVE doing that, June is rose season. That way I will own my birthday and it will be mine, I can go and visit David Austins rose garden.

I never new when any of my cats were born as I adopted them as adults so I gave them all their own birthdays, May 1st usually. No reason why I can't do the same for mine.

You could also buy yourself some favourite roses and plant them.

Love the idea of giving yourself a new birthday! Why not share your birthday with your cats?

@Shehasadiamondinthesky why don't you have 2 ... if it's good enough for the Queen ? 💐