When everyone is getting engaged and you're very single

[Lizzie523]

I'm 28 and have been single since shortly before the pandemic. I had been seeing a guy on the rebound for 6 months before that and it was a lovely romance. It was a rebound from a serious partner who cheated while living together.

But anyway....in one month, 2 friends and 2
acquaintances have got engaged! I feel like I'm facing a flurry of constant social media celebrations and feel my life is soon to become that Bridget Jones scene when the smug marrieds are all like 'so why ARE there so many eligible single women these days?!'

I guess at my age this is normal but I feel so under pressure - I'd like to find a life partner but I'm not the fence about marriage. Sometimes I feel so bad about it it's like a elephant weighing down on my chest. Like I'm being left behind

Anyone else feeling this? Or even through this tricky period?

I'm not in the exact same situation but similar - currently TTC and am now the last one who still hasn't been successful in my circle. It sucks, a lot so I understand somewhat what you're going through.

My best advice is to perhaps keep your distance until you rationalise your feelings. Be happy for them, but you also have to put your feelings first.

Though time is on your side your still pretty young I wouldn't worry

Not in the exact same situation but feeling like I'm ready for moving in together and engagement but don't think he is.

That’s society telling you you need to be in a relationship before 30. That’s bullshit. You’re still so young, you’ve got so many years ahead to find the right person for you. Enjoy the journey and trust the process! Don’t loose hope.

@FunMcCool agree. You've a long time (I'd say five-seven years to meet someone) before you start worrying about your biological clock. Assuming you want kids if not then there for sure is no issue whatsoever

@FunMcCool

That’s society telling you you need to be in a relationship before 30. That’s bullshit. You’re still so young, you’ve got so many years ahead to find the right person for you. Enjoy the journey and trust the process! Don’t loose hope.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. So many people around me are getting married and it feels like someone has pressed a big red 'hurry up!' button.

It's also so much harder to meet someone after a certain age. I feel like nearly everyone my age is on online apps now to meet someone. I tried Tinder for 2 weeks and actually felt myself becoming more shallow the more I swiped! I felt like it was doing something to my brain.

[quote doesparentingsuck]@FunMcCool agree. You've a long time (I'd say five-seven years to meet someone) before you start worrying about your biological clock. Assuming you want kids if not then there for sure is no issue whatsoever [/quote]
When you put it like that I honestly feel it was just yesterday I turned 24 and now I'm soon to be 30! How did that happen!

My fear is that I don't meet anyone for a while and then I do meet someone but then it doesn't work out so I need to restart the process. I think I should also make peace with potentially not meeting someone. The thought makes me feel sad but we aren't all guaranteed that kind of happiness.

Been there done that.
When I was 27 I got out of a 4 years relationship... Everyone was in relationship, getting married and I felt like shit having to start all over. I am almost 32 now, pregnant with my first baby and marrying the love of my life.
I know it can get overwhelming.. it did for me but that pressure doesn't not help. Focus on yourself and don't set a goal that you NEED to meet someone... you need to have fun and love yourself!

Another been there, done that from me. I had an awful crisis about this at 28. Friends getting engaged and married and having babies left, right and centre. I was honestly the only single woman I knew. The only long(ish) term relationship I’d had up to that point had been completely horrible and all the other men I’d been involved with had come on super strong and dumped me after a month or two. I felt like there must be something wrong with me and viewed my thirties with utter dread. No apps back then — this is 10 yrs ago — but I used plenty of dating websites, and I also went on SO MANY dates with guys who asked me out in cafes, tube stations etc. Those RL meet cutes, by the way, always turned out to be far weirder than the generally perfectly ok but not for me internet daters. Annnnywaaayyy, three and a half years later, at 32, I met a lovely man through work. Married at 35, first baby a year later, second on the way, and very happy. Don’t give up hope, and try not to let the fear take over your life. You’re not old, the good men are not all taken, and there are a million great things you can do with your life before you get shacked up.

Don't be like me and make stupid decision and stay in the wrong relationships because you feel like you're old. I look back now and wonder what the hell I was thinking when I turned 29 and felt sad and depressed about being alone. 29!!! I should have been out having a whale of a time, meeting new people and enjoying being young and free and instead I wasted so much time and energy moping and feeling sad, and then when I did get in a relationship I stayed too long because I thought it would be hard to meet someone else (I was 31!!!)

You honestly are so young. I'm 36 now and I now realise that's actually quite young in the grand scheme of things. Focus on yourself, post pandemic do any travelling you've always wanted to do, any new hobbies, meet lots of people. Ironically worrying about being single is only going to make it more likely that you WILL end up single compared to if you were out and about doing things you loved.

In the same position. I feel like my self esteem has fallen off a cliff recently and I know that meeting someone shouldn't be the cure, but it's what I want so, so badly, and I can't stop judging myself by it.

I definitely resonate with being 'left behind' too.

I'm 32. I've done the engaged, married, kids thing. I'm now separated.

My advice. Make sure you engage the right guy. Marry the right guy.

I'm now single. I'm not going to say it's a ball all the time. But it's better than being married and unhappy.

@ThirdTimeIucky I feel that pressure too - selecting and even meeting the right one. I would rather be single than settle.

So far I have mainly been attracted to guys who are sweet and quiet but passive or adrenalin junkie extroverts (ok that was one guy). Commitment phobia has been common amongst these guys, all in their 20s.

I think I need to start dating older. I want someone kind and interesting who I fancy. It sounds straight forward but it isn't! I actually do like a guy now and he is lovely but again quite passive so I felt I was pursuing him. Not good for self esteem.

I ended a long term relationship when I was 28 as I didn’t want to settle. Now 36, not married but have a lovely older DP and a baby.

I’m so pleased I didn’t succumb to societal pressure in my 20s, or people’s opinions of mine and DP’s age difference.

7 out of 9 of my friends who got engaged under 32 are now separated. don't worry about it!

Op if you don't mind me asking what area of the country do you live in? I'm in London and never felt that pressure at your age, I'm guessing because people settle down here later. I am now 36 and in the same position as you and I sometimes feel big pressure, but I'm trying not to give into that feeling now as it makes you make bad decisions like staying with the wrong man. You are still so young and I agree with other posters you need to just enjoy your life right now. After years of being driven by panic which did me no favours, I'm also going to take my foot off the pedal and just enjoy being me for a bit (I have frozen lots of eggs which helps!)