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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does anyone else still live with there ex?

5 replies

Maxiemoo10 · 10/07/2021 22:34

Am I the only one in this situation? Been with him for 21 years and the last few years we hit a really bad patch, he accused e of having an affair when in reality I was just going to the gym most nights to get my head straight. He was going through a breakdown at the time so I feel this is why im more inclined tomato sure he's ok rather than leave him high or dry.

We share the house with our 9 year old son, been in separate rooms for 2 years nearly (we alternate each night between the bedroom and a mattress on the floor in the spare room) and ds has never questioned It in all that time, only ever asks where i'm sleeping that night as hell come get me in the morning.

At one point we were barely speaking to each other and would go days without even looking at him, lockdown got us talking again and while we can be civil, have a laugh etc with our son and do family days out etc once he's in bed and its me and ex we go our separate ways. we've not even had the discussion that we are ex's its Justin unwritten thing between us.

Guess what Im asking is this unusual? I know I cant go one like this forever but at what point do you say enough enough now I need my own space etc. I think I could just about afford to move out if need be, neither one of us has mentioned it (only in anger a year ago did I say id move out and he offered instead but nothing was done).

This kind of works right now, I can nip to the gym in the evenings when hes home, he can go to friends etc when he likes, our son gets the best of his parents still, but theres something niggling at me saying we shouldn't be living like this? Just wondered are we alone in this arrangement and if youve been through it all how did it work out for you?

OP posts:
ItsNotLoveActually · 10/07/2021 23:22

I did it for 18mths and then he moved abroad. As we jointly own our house he stays here when he visits our DS. This has been going on for 4 yrs now and I tolerate it as I have no choice. We are civil, no atmosphere. I really feel I need to move on and sell up but my options are limited.

motogogo · 10/07/2021 23:52

We did for 8 months. I chose to move away (adult kids) but still stay with him when I need to be in town

Giraffey1 · 10/07/2021 23:54

Why are you satisfied with this living arrangement? Is there a reason you or he have not moved out?

You say he is your ex but are you divorced? Whose name is the house in?

Sorry for all the questions but it’s hard to know what to say without some info.

I still live with my ex (divorce came through in March one year after I first applied) as we have been struggling to sell the house for more than two years. I hate it as I feel I am living in limbo. Thankfully, all this is about to change as we are SSTC and he is moving hundreds of miles away.

Rosetintedglasses666 · 10/07/2021 23:56

Tomato sure has made my night Grin

Maxiemoo10 · 11/07/2021 08:16

I wouldn't say im 100% satisfied more like this has become normal to me through lockdown - were actually communicating and laughing together for the first time in years, theres zero passion, the most we do is pat each other on the back as we say goodnight, I think I know deep down this isn't healthy for either of us but I think were both afraid to make that move and in some respects I think it would have been easier had one of us gone when we were deep into the fights and arguments a couple of years ago but at the time I froze and kept taking each day as it came trying to survive.

House is complicated, bought from my parents they signed half over to me as the deposit he took a mortgage out on the rest, so technically house is in his name but i'm protected through solicitors documents. its not about who gets what it feels like were room mates and because neither wants to hurt our son this arrangement works for us. were lucky we have a large house so he has the front room I have the back room and we barely see each other apart from when son is here.

It weird I know, I only know one friend who went through something similar and they were separated for a year before she even told anyone but was same setup where they slept in separate places and shared care of there son etc. she only moved when he admitted he was taking a new girl out but he was failing to provide money towards the house, got very messy and i'd rather avoid anything like that so looking for other peoples opinions really I think and wanting to hear of others experiences.

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