So so miserable

[witsendmisery]

I've been with my partner for 8 years. We met on a night out and we've been together since. I'm 30 and he's 38.

We have 2 children, our own home and are due to get married this year.

When we first met and before we had kids, we would go out drinking with friends for nights out, now I enjoy a social drink but never go too far with it. My OH on the other hand, drinks and drinks and drinks to the point he can't speak or walk.

After we had kids this carried on on times we would have a sitter but was few and far between so wasn't too bad, however, he does still drink every weekend at home and on a week night if there is an 'occasion' etc ...football match although only 4 pint cans during the working weeks if he was to drink.

It's not having a beer or two, on a weekend he will buy the 2 packs of Stella/bud for £18 think 20 cans in total maybe? And just drink them on a night. I can't sleep in the same room as him as the smell of it just makes me heave and over time as I've become more and more resentful of this behaviour I've become more depressed and used food as a comfort. This has resulted in a whopping 7 stone weight gain for me and I'm now 19st and too self conscious to leave the house apart from to go to work.
He has never been cruel about my new larger appearance or ever suggested I lose weight, but my confidence is so low I am just stuck in a rut of being bored of just watching him drink on a weekend and not doing anything myself that I just sit and eat and now I feel stuck and to the point that I'm too miserable to focus on dieting.

Just wanted some advice really, is it normal for me to resent his drinking so much that i've slowing become this depressed and in such a rut with my weight that I just feel like I can't go on with the relationship? I fantasise about being on my own and motivated, to lose the weight and get my life back again, but on the other hand apart from the drinking he's a great partner and father. We both work full time Monday to Friday so weekends are our only days together and I just feel like they are being wasted because I'm so annoyed and can't be bothered to do anything as I'm so down.

Any advise would be appreciated.

Before anything else, you need to see your GP about your depression. You need to get out of the spiral that you have sunk into, and I suspect that only ADs will do the job. There seem to be lots of positives about your relationship, and I'm not sure whether you are projecting your own self-loathing onto your DH and his drinking - though I hasten to add that the extent of his weekend drinking would cause anyone to be pissed off. Do you ever have the time or motivation to sit down and just talk things through? Does he have any idea about how you feel? He seems to be accepting of you just as you are, but perhaps you should make him aware of your feelings, and of the risks to your health of ongoing weight gain. Tell him that you would love to have his support and encouragement to get fit and feel better about yourself. He also needs to think about what he's doing to his liver with that alcohol intake. Is there anything that you could save for together, to encourage him to cut down on the beer purchases? Has he ever added up what he spends and pisses up the wall? Does he really have time for his kids if he is hungover all weekend? He needs a reality check on the fact that childhood is so fleeting, and soon they will be doing their own thing, with some pretty unpleasant memories of a father falling about all over the place, being unable to spend quality time with them when they needed it. Would he go to counselling to do something to stop drinking and to save your marriage? Sorry, muddled thoughts just as I'm thinking them...

Sounds like you're living with an alcoholic.

You might find Al-Anon useful for yourself.