Long story sorry, but I met someone in ‘unusual circumstances’ online 6 months ago (not as a complete stranger). We hit it off straight away like old friends and met fairly quickly, the chemistry was great and we saw each other every 2 days for 2 weeks. We slept together in that time and I hate to admit it but I got intense feelings for him very soon. We would text all day every day and he would tell me how much he likes me and how good we are together. This intensified my feelings and I thought we would eventually lead to a relationship.
However, when he got home from a visit on the last day of the second week, he didn’t text like usual. Nor the following morning. He always sent good night and good morning text messages. I could see he had been online so I knew he was okay. I panicked and text him asking what was wrong and he said he was busy at work. In the worry of thinking I’d ‘lost him’ I text him non stop. He did reply but not with the same enthusiasm.
It was pretty clear he had gone off me. He eventually admitted he was keeping his distance as he didn’t want to get feelings and wanted us to be friends with benefits.
I was hurt and shocked but decided to continue speaking to him because we’d got quite close and I saw him as a good friend above anything else. We met up 3 more times but each time seemed like less and less effort, until the last time I felt like a cheap slag and knew it had changed.
The texts got less and less, he wouldn’t read them until the next day or didn’t reply for days. I was still stupidly chasing him because I didn’t want to let go of him or the feelings I was clinging too. He kept reassuring me he still wanted us to be friends, but it didn’t feel sincere.
Now the texts are fairly bland, the general how are you type, but none of our usual jokes or fun we’d have. I stopped texting first 2 weeks ago, he did make an effort to talk to me himself but it felt more like a chore than because he wanted to. I turned him down coming over for sex because I wanted to see his reaction and he did seem to be giving me the cold shoulder over it. The longest we have gone without speaking now is 4 days, which doesn’t sound a lot for most people but considering we were texting 24/7 in the beginning it’s really hard to deal with.
I have constant anxiety not knowing if I will hear from him or if he will block me, I think about him all day and night and google things to do to bring it back to before. Pathetic I know.
I can see for myself he isn’t a good person for how he has treated me. He has let me down last minute or told me he was too tired, I have given him money, I have been his shoulder to cry on but never in return, I always check he’s ok but he never checks I am. I know I am being disrespected. The hardest thing is that I don’t hate him for it I just miss how it was. I’m holding on when I should be moving on and I feel humiliated that I am still making an effort when it’s over.
I have told him several times I can’t do it anymore and we need to go our separate ways, he tells me not to and that he’s sorry and will make more effort and I stupidly believe him. His actions never match his words.
My friends suspicions are that he met someone else, which he denies of course, or that he just doesn’t like me anymore but keeps me around for sex because he knows I’ll say yes. I don’t trust him anymore because of this so I checked if he was on any dating sites which he isn’t, but he does comment on other girls photos online with nice things he’s never said to me before.
I have tried many times to block him and move on but I can’t. I have a lot of issues surrounding my childhood and attachment, which I know I need to get sorted, but it’s making it impossible because I keep hoping he will make an effort. Any text from him puts me on a high all day, then a shit comedown when he stops replying.
Am I over reacting in a sense that it’s normal for contact to drop slightly over time? Or is he taking me for a mug?