How long have you been single?

[WillowGrand]

As in no relationship (dating doesn’t count!), and have you given up?

I’ve been single 6 years, have no desperate need for a man in my life fully but I feel sad at the moment that I don’t think I’ll have anyone to go on fun dates/weekends away/ care about me.

3 kids 11 and under, no meaningful input from ex and barely any consistent childcare that I don’t use for work (and I don’t want to take more time from kids). So feeling like I may as well accept this for the next 10 years.

Generally I’m fine, it’s not a huge gap in my life, but think as a close male friend (I like a dickhead slept with), is now dating and having fun I just feel a bit jealous and sad, not because of him really, just because men have it so much fucking easier in general to make time for themselves. Wholly unfair of me but there you go!

So if you’re long term single are you still holding out any hope?

Almost 12 years since my husband passed away suddenly. My kids were 4 and 6 at the time.
I didn't get married until 40 so am quite used to being on my own. As I approach 60 I'm not actively looking, though if it happened great. I have lots of friends and to hear them talk about their spouses of 30 plus years I'm quite OK.

I've been single for ten years, it was a pretty unpleasant break up. Prior to that I was married twice, neither of them worked out, and that was probably down to me.
I'm 52, and I can't see that I'll be with anyone again. I'm happy on my own, I love my life and my home is just as I want it, my children are more or less grown up (16yo DD still at home) and have two super grandsons. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for myself as I think many people, women in particular, are conditioned to think that life isn't valid or fulfilling without a life partner, and sometimes I feel I'd like to meet someone.
However! When I read some of the threads on here about difficulties women have with their H/P I realise it is just that conditioning and not that I am actually wanting to be in a relationship.

9 years since last proper relationship, just a few months since last person I dated. My issues are physical health problems that make it more difficult to meet someone. I’m 38. No kids, never been married. I’m open to it if it happens naturally but not going to stress myself out on a huge search. I don’t have a history of bad men, I’ve mainly had good experiences, just never met the one, and with my health issues it’s probably been further down the priority list than it is for most people. I’m not lonely, I have good friends and am close to family, I worry what people think, which I know is really silly. I’m confident in myself enough not to settle for the wrong person but not confident when dealing with people’s questions comments as my life has not gone the way society tells you it should. I would like to have someone in my life, but it has to be someone local and also genuine love, not something I have to force or fake.

9 years. I've dated a few times but the last three were all bad news. One thought he was going to watch porn in my house with my ds there, one clearly regarded me as a financial opportunity and the third was trying to tell me what to wear by the third date.

It's becoming a source of entertainment, how soon I have to ask them to leave. Given the choice of such princes, I'll happily stay single.

It has been a total of 14 years for me.

I'm a single parent of a 17 yr old.

Yeah sure, I miss sex, companionship, having a second opinion on things, someone to share things with (be it holidays/cinema/walks).

What I have learned is that a lot of men my age (I'm nearly 60) are really not interested in any of that unless they are already in a (healthy) relationship.

I tried OLD when I was 55.

They wanted a 'nurse or a purse', OR they were having a mid life crisis and were only interested in meeting women who are at least 15 years younger than themselves.

There were plenty of men who wanted to meet me but they were in their 70's & 80's (despite me setting an upper age limit of 60!)

Dispiriting wasn't the word for it so I packed it in.

I am generally happy and positive; I am very lucky to be fit & healthy, have my own home, have an income etc. However, if I feel myself inching towards the 'pity pot', I just read a few threads from unhappily married/partnered people (and there's lots of them now thanks to Covid!) and thank my lucky stars that I am on my own.

10 years after a 25yr marriage ended.

tbh I've never been happier. Retired, got hobbies and friends and pets, can please myself about what I watch, eat, decorate ..... Not interested in another relationship, made enough compromises during my marriage and then bringing up the DC. This is the first time I've lived alone in 35yrs and I'm loving it.

This is true, about the conditioning, I was married for 20 years and he financially broke and emotionally destroyed me. I look at friends and their stresses with their partner and feel glad I don’t have to compromise. I’m happy if I’ve got a decent FWB and some dates so maybe it’s just the lockdown lack of that has kicked me?

No idea why I feel sad I don’t have something I don’t necessarily want! I want the weekend freaks, companionship etc but also want total freedom of decision making and going where I want when I want when I’m older and freer from the kids.

Not really compatible.

The most important lesson you can learn in life is not to put the keys to.your happiness in someone else's hands. Build a life for yourself first and foremost, and go from there.
I have lived as a lone parent 8 years, and would be reluctant to give up my sense of freedom now. I have had off dates, here and there, but not for a while. Remember the grass isn't always greener and it's a lot easier to get into a.relationship than it is to get out.
My two are older teenagers now, so l have more time for myself, but value my peace of mind so fussy as to who l let into my life. Instead of wasting time searching for someone l focus on being the best mum l can be and building a life that is intersting, positive and healthy. I am open to a relationship but believe what's meant for you will come into your life effortlessly like my previous partners did. Yes it can be lonely at times,.but it also teaches you life lessons you would never learn if you werent travelling solo.
The worst thing you can do is panic and think this is it for me, because life has a way of surprising you, and opening new doors when you least expect it.

2.5 years, and never again. I'm done now, and I'm amazed at how centred my life is now. I spent so much of my life pining after men, or trying to be what they wanted me to be, or recovering from the latest breakup. I feel as if I'm finally living my own life.

@echidna1 i can imagine!! It was so dispiriting in my 40s. I concluded that men were killing time with me until they got somebody younger. And these men were all 3-5 years older than i was but they were still optimistic they'd meet somebody 10 years younger. One man aged 44 asked me if id ever had a younger man before. I said "you're not a younger man, you're my age". I was 46. I should have seen that comment for the truth about how he saw me. His friend, aged 45, seemed really surprised when his mother asdumed parenthood had passed him by. Like, any minute now he was just going to go out date women not older than 38 who wanted to put their faith in him to be the father of their child. Unbelievable really.
At 47 i met a 41 year old in real life and we clicked and were together and happy but not living together until covid put distance between us. Age wasnt a huge deal with us. We were just adults who really clicked. I was more than my age to him. But online, your worth is your age 🤔 and that's it.
So i will not do any more OLD
If i click with somebody in real life and they're not messing me around who knows, but real ife or nothing.
I dont miss looking at pictures of men online and trying to muster up interest in them. Prefer netflix!

Nearly 30 years! I'm not really into dating. It bothered me when I was younger that I couldn't be 'normal', but I'm fine with it now. I don't want kids and at this point I think I'd find it hard to adjust to having someone else in my space.

12 years lone parent. I don't expect to ever meet anyone again. I have health grumbles and self harm scars (from my youth 🙄) so I find it's best to avoid relationships.

Hearing about my close friends' relationships, I'm not convinced that even the good ones are all they're cracked up to be.

Eight years. More than happy being single. Been single since I split with my children’s father. Not pining after him, just genuinely happier without a man.

3 years since my husband passed away. I don’t want a relationship but I’d like someone I could have fun with. Not going to happen though as 2 kids, no childcare, full time job so the only time I could see someone would be during a lunch break weekdays. I can live day to day without a man but I’m honestly desperately lonely.

3 years. Single mum of 3. I love it and have no desire for a relationship at all. My dds have benefitted from the stability of it just being me as their dad's relationship was chaotic and recently ended leaving them upset, angry, confused and grieving for the loss of his gf and their relationship with her and her dcs.
This is what is best for us as a family, and for me as an individual.
I prefer books to men.