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Original poster

Why would she cheat on love of her life?

39 replies

Rosewaitcarpark · 10/07/2021 14:04

Looking for opinions please. Recently found out my SIL cheated on her partner who she's been living with for quite a long time. She went on a few 'dates' with this other man, had sex a few times, then finished it. But she's always claimed that her partner is the love of her life. She regularly sings his praises. Talks about how gorgeous he is. She even left her husband for her current partner.
Her partner doesn't know about her cheating, but basically pretty much her entire family do. What I want to know is, is she lying about him being the love of her life, is she deluding herself?
Not even sure why she went with this OM.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 10/07/2021 14:12

I would assume that you may think he's the 'love of her life' but she probably has serious issues with boundaries and self-worth. If she left her previous husband (who presumably was once also the 'love of her life') for her partner, then there's certainly a risk she'll do it again when she gets bored or needs an ego boost or can't say no because she has no boundaries.

HerrenaHarridan · 10/07/2021 14:19

There is no ‘the one’ you can have many loves at different times with different people.

Original poster
Rosewaitcarpark · 10/07/2021 14:25

She's said he's the love of her life. I hadn't really thought to question that until the point she told me she'd had sex with this OM. I knew that she'd been on dates with OM because other family member had told me, but I thought they meant before she got together with her partner.
I always thought she and her partner were solid together, but now I see their relationship in a different light. I feel kind of sorry for her partner too as he's a nice man.
Must be lack of self-worth then.
Bit of a risky way to go about increasing self-worth.

OP posts:
Geanna2 · 10/07/2021 14:30

So she's a serial cheat then? She just sounds a bit loose to be honest. I doubt she'd have a clue what love of her life even means. It's probably just words to her.

Original poster
Rosewaitcarpark · 10/07/2021 14:31

@Geanna2

So she's a serial cheat then? She just sounds a bit loose to be honest. I doubt she'd have a clue what love of her life even means. It's probably just words to her.
She has told me on more than one occasion stories about her father cheating on her mother, so maybe it is learned behaviour. It just seems bizarre to me.
OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 10/07/2021 14:38

It's only bizarre if you think humans are all naturally monogamous.

SarahBellam · 10/07/2021 14:40

I know someone like this. She had an affair with someone at work. They met at hotels around the county every month or two and it went on for years. Everyone knew about it as he worked in the same place. However, in the office she was always going on about her amazing husband and how wonderful he was and how devoted they were to each other. The only reason I can think of is that she was really good at compartmentalising her life, and her affair was something that happened outside the rest of her life, like in an annex of her brain

SirGawain · 10/07/2021 14:40

She even left her husband for her current partner.

This tells you all you need to know. Why are you surprised!

Original poster
Rosewaitcarpark · 10/07/2021 14:46

@SirGawain

She even left her husband for her current partner.

This tells you all you need to know. Why are you surprised!

Foolish of me I know. There were stories at the time of her leaving about her husband's bad behaviour. Now I'm wondering if those stories were even true. I wish she'd never told me about her infidelity. It seems like an open secret among the family with the only person not knowing being her partner, whose house she lives in. It feels sordid and I'm feeling complicit. Just need to not get involved I suppose.
OP posts:
PurpleMustang · 10/07/2021 14:49

It sounds like she claim her boyfriend as 'the one' to justify leaving her husband for him. And in the old saying, move on with the affair partner you create a vacancy. With saying her Dad cheated it sounds like she wants to be in control of her situation, and that is she does the cheating so it isn't done to her. Sounds like she needs counselling to sort out her feelings else she will continue on this roller coaster

Ladybug123 · 10/07/2021 15:10

If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.

It’s an old saying but statistically it stands up.

She’s the problem here. So sad that people’s lives are destroyed while she runs around trying to fill that hole. I agree with a poster above, she doesn’t know what love is.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 10/07/2021 15:25

I’d say it’s none of your business. You don’t know the workings of her mind. It’s really got nothing to do with you despite the fact that she talks to you about it.

Christmasfairy2020 · 10/07/2021 20:05

Sil? So she's cheating on your brother

dryasaboner · 11/07/2021 10:21

@Christmasfairy2020

Sil? So she's cheating on your brother
Her partners sister?
ufucoffee · 11/07/2021 10:35

She's been unfaithful before this. She's a liar and therefore full of crap. I wouldn't believe anything she says. The only person who is the love of her life is herself.

lotsofchooksnducks · 11/07/2021 10:54

The cheating I guess is not too unusual (especially as she's done it before) but I'm surprised she has told everyone about it....that make me wonder if she is insecure and looking for validation (from the affair and from everyone knowing about it) or she is a drama queen and is hoping this is going to blow up?

'Love of my Life' is a bit insecure to IMO. Why does she need to label the relationship like that?

Crikeyalmighty · 11/07/2021 11:47

Some people are very sheep like and hence use expressions a lot like ‘the one’ or ‘love of my life’ without it actually having much depth. You see the same today for example with football— lots of female friends posting the ‘it’s coming home stuff’ and flags galore without ever showing any such interest before, simply getting caught up in a moment and mood . I think ‘some’ folks are very shallow and ‘love of my life’ has no depth to it and simply means the person I am currently seeing and hence why they find it perfectly easy mentally to cheat

BrozTito · 11/07/2021 12:04

This is just what cheaters do. Damaged people who damage everybody else. Tell the husband then vanish.

AgathaX · 11/07/2021 12:08

Her poor partner. I hope someone tells him kindly, so he can make informed decisions about his life.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 11/07/2021 13:05

People cheat for different reasons. For some, because they are unhappy with their current partner, for some because it meets a need within them that no long term relationship would meet, for some because they have narcissistic tendencies , for others... loads of different reasons (sometimes multiple reasons). All this tells you is that your SIL doesnt think its that first reason- she perceives herself as loving her partner and being happy w them v much. But still is unfaithful.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 11/07/2021 13:06

Ps - does not mean I condone the behaviour at all. Her poor partner. She doesnt get to unilaterally decide the boundaries in their relationship.

Ladybug123 · 11/07/2021 13:23

AgathaX absolutely.

Fountaining · 11/07/2021 13:43

The only weird bit of this is that her entire family know and that she's happily discussing her sex life with the OM with you -- unless she actually wants out of her relationship with her partner and is hoping that by talking, it will filter back to him without her having to actually tell him?

Original poster
Rosewaitcarpark · 12/07/2021 12:59

@lotsofchooksnducks

The cheating I guess is not too unusual (especially as she's done it before) but I'm surprised she has told everyone about it....that make me wonder if she is insecure and looking for validation (from the affair and from everyone knowing about it) or she is a drama queen and is hoping this is going to blow up?

'Love of my Life' is a bit insecure to IMO. Why does she need to label the relationship like that?

I was also surprised that she mentioned it to me as it seems to have been a secret between her blood relatives before she told me. I've had more of a think about it and I think it must be that she seeks validation. She has in the past over-shared details with me about her enthusiastic sex-life with her partner. I think that's how she gets her validation - from seeing herself as someone who is desired. She definitely would not want to split up with him, but I also think she might like the drama, especially if he were to find out but stay with her (which I suspect he probably would). It has put me in a difficult position. I've always thought people should have the full facts so they can decide on the terms of the relationship if they are cheated on. He is essentially family. He is a good man and I just feel bad for him at the moment and I just feel like a hypocrite.
OP posts:
OldTurtleNewShell · 12/07/2021 13:32

@HerrenaHarridan

There is no ‘the one’ you can have many loves at different times with different people.
I do believe this. I genuinely believe that monogamy is not right for everyone, but she's not engaging in a consensual open relationship. She's cheating and lying to someone she claims to love. If you genuinely love someone, you wouldn't knowingly do something that you know would hurt them deeply. Either she's a narcissist and loves herself more than she loves him, or she's got self-esteem and boundary issues. Either way, I feel sorry for her husband. I've been in his position. It's a horrible thing to have to go through.
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