Do I stay or go?!

[CrimsonKate]

Discovered DH texting 100s of texts a day for about 5 months, eventually found out he had been round to her 'only once' during lockdown and had, or attempted to have, sex. (Couldn't get it up, aw, shame.)
Have given things six months...with some things he agreed to work on and improve for us to move on together. Six months is up... No real change... Is it time to go? 4 kids here... But I pretty much single-parent them.
Advice needed xxx

Right. So this is really tough, and the vast majority of advice you're going to see is 'leave him now!'. You have every reason to of course, but do spend some time to think about what's on the other side of that decision. Something is clearly wrong in your relationship, so I'd suggest at least talking about it or maybe getting couples councilling. Don't be super quick to throw it away, even though he has behaved appallingly. Good luck, it's going to be tough whatever you decide.

So, you've given the useless, faithless lump 6 months to get his act together and he hasn't? Kick the fucker out.

What do you mean by 'no real change'?

Absolutely go, cldnt get it up, aye right

No real change means, he doesn't call me a c#nt anymore, he is verbally nicer, but, he hasn't shown more commitment to his family, taken any time off in school holidays, come to counselling... Or any of the thi gs he absolutely promised he would do after I'd found out.

Thanks guys, for your input btw. I don't really have anyone to use as a sounding board... Just me in my head...!!

Fucking hell - 6 months to prove he's worth keeping and all he's actually done is stopped doing something he absolutely shouldn't have been doing in the first place!!!

He needs to be gone.

for you

I think you’re after encouragement, not advice.
Are your MN ducks in a row? If not, what have you been doing these last 6 months? Get thee to a sh*t hot lawyer!!!

Not sure why you bothered giving a nasty cheat another chance. Someone who calls you a cunt has nothing but contempt for you. That doesn't change even if he hasn't called you it in a while.

Out with the bins for him.

I tried to forget things with my ex who was also a cheater and a lazy arse who wouldn't engage in family life, I ended it and have never been happier!

I think if someone realises they've fucked up and honestly regret it ...
In 6 months he could have made lots of effort to improve the relationship, go to counselling , make you feel special ...
If he hasn't done so ... fuck him off
You deserve better

Ask yourself what prevents you from leaving. I know it's hard, I also give a lot of chances.

If you're virtually a single parent already and he's failed to make any significant behaviour changes to improve your relationship, then of course you dump his dismal arse.

There's no point to him.

I can't seeing that he is adding anything to your life and instead is holding you back from moving on.

Your DC deserve a better role model. He may actually start parenting them EOW if you end it.

I suspect he thinks you will carry on putting up with his sub standard behaviour forever hence not actually trying.

He has had his chance.
You deserve better.
Your kids deserve better.
What are you waiting for?
The rest of your life is yours for the making...

I'm sorry to say this is a no-brainer. He's treated you appallingly. Had an affair. When you found out he promised to make efforts to improve but hasn't bother in any significant way. Which means either a) he is incapable of improving or b) he can't be bothered to try.

This is the time when (if he cared at all) he would be desperate to show you he can change / things will be better. He couldn't even manage it in the first 6 months, so any small improvements that he has made will no doubt slide back once he realises he's got away with it.

Either way, you deserve better. You know you can't trust him. He doesn't care enough to change.Life will be so much better without this person sapping your energy. They don't deserve you.

So, he treated you like crap, you told him he had 6 months to learn to stop treating you like crap, he promised he would, and he still treats you like crap.

You are currently demonstrating to your kids that this is what adult relationships look like. This is what they will replicate when they are adults. I replicated my parents' horrible relationship with a variety of short term partners for years.

Don't do this to them. Demonstrate to them that if someone doesn't respect you, you leave. They will do the same as you when they grow up, whatever it is.