Ex seeing kids

[Rightdecison]

Hi I did add this to my other thread. But thought it might be better to make a new one after all. But there is a link. So might be helpful to scan my other thread.

So yesterday ex asked if he can have the 5 and 6 year old at weekends. I said he needs to give me a bit of time to get my head round it . I told him a few of my concerns. Which are when the children don't know which way their shoes go. Or that one is still in pull ups at night. He has a go at them about how they should know theses things he should not have to do it for them. He has a go at the 6 year old for still being in pull ups. He has his blue tooth in all the time he cant hear anything they say . They say dad dad ×20 times. Then I have to give him a tap on his knee to get his attention. Couple days ago he picked the kids up from school with me . 6 year old got in the car all proud that he made bread at school. And their dad gos oh yeah load of crap. He does no actual parenting. If he says to them let's pop to the shop . He tells them to get their self ready. He does not lift a finger to help them. And when they get it wrong he has a go at them. I know it sounds petty but I'm worried about them mentally and emotionally?

When I pointed this out to them. I thought he would say I will be more careful. But he just said. I'm not going down that Road. I hope one day you will let me see them. So to me he gave up just like that?

@AlternativePerspective

OP you need to slow down.

You only split up on Thursday and already you’re deciding he can’t see the DC based on the way you believe they should be parented.

Fact is you’re no longer together. And as long as there is no abuse how he parents is for him to deal with.

It does sound as if you baby them a lot. A 6 year old should know which is left and right as should a 4 year old TBH. They shouldn’t still need help putting shoes on at that age, just to use 1 example.

But all that aside, there are plenty of posters on here who say that their ex’s are now better parents now that they’re apart than together, because they have had to parent their children.

It will be far better for you to work out an amicable arrangement for access because if you don’t then he could go to court, and he will win, with overnights and possibly even 50/50 access. His not helping the children put their shoes on the wrong feet just won’t fly in court in terms of a reason to withhold access.

So if you can agree it without having to go down that route then it will be better for everyone involved. 7

I don't agree that the kids should be able to do them things

And I have (not) said he cant see them. I don't even care if he gets some of the things wrong. But I don't think he should be telling them they should know. Or that they are stupid . Or something is not good enough and I don't want the 6 yearcold being told he should not be in pull ups. O don't want them to feel they are not good enough.

By the way just to say. There has not been any major argument. Or anything like that its just as soon as i said about my worries instead of talking about it or saying he will be a bit careful about what he says . He just said he's not going down that Road and he hopes I will let him see them one day. So to me that's him that's back off if he wants to see them why not just say ok I will be careful. Then ask when is a good date to have them?

But I don't think some people are understanding? It's not actually about the shoes or the pull ups etc its about how he talks to them. How he makes them feel I dont want them being told they are stupid that they are not good enough.

@Geanna2

It doesn't really matter what you call them, they are still nappies. It does seem more than just a little behind at 6 years old, even with autism most children would be dry at night at that age. I can sort of understand a parent being a bit frustrated by that.

@Geanna2 you’re rude and your post is full of shit.

I understand what your saying.
I don't know what advise your after? Co parenting is hard. But you have only just separated. You both have to feel your way and tread carefully. I suspect he didn't like you, in his eyes "telling him what to do".
Your both be parenting in your own way and in a sence you have to let him get on with it, as he does you.
It's very hard but you do have to learn to take a step back. It's important that they have their father in their lives.

@Justmeandme19

I understand what your saying. I don't know what advise your after? Co parenting is hard. But you have only just separated. You both have to feel your way and tread carefully. I suspect he didn't like you, in his eyes "telling him what to do". Your both be parenting in your own way and in a sence you have to let him get on with it, as he does you. It's very hard but you do have to learn to take a step back. It's important that they have their father in their lives.

Yes I think possibly need a few days to feel more settled. All I want is for them to feel they are good enough and I don't want them to feel like they are stupid. 😔

@AlternativePerspective

OP you need to slow down.

You only split up on Thursday and already you’re deciding he can’t see the DC based on the way you believe they should be parented.

Fact is you’re no longer together. And as long as there is no abuse how he parents is for him to deal with.

It does sound as if you baby them a lot. A 6 year old should know which is left and right as should a 4 year old TBH. They shouldn’t still need help putting shoes on at that age, just to use 1 example.

But all that aside, there are plenty of posters on here who say that their ex’s are now better parents now that they’re apart than together, because they have had to parent their children.

It will be far better for you to work out an amicable arrangement for access because if you don’t then he could go to court, and he will win, with overnights and possibly even 50/50 access. His not helping the children put their shoes on the wrong feet just won’t fly in court in terms of a reason to withhold access.

So if you can agree it without having to go down that route then it will be better for everyone involved. 7

They split Thursday so why is she the one responsible for teaching them left from right for the last six years? Surely he should have had the same input? Living together etc why is she the one babying the kids and not him?