How to completely get over boyfriend

[xsher]

I'm in my early 20's and me and my boyfriend split up last September after an 8 year relationship. I am the one who ended it and he really didn't want it to happen.

We have spoken not far off every day since the break up (stupid I know) and he has been begging for me back ever since.

In the last few weeks I have started to have a change of heart and was beginning to think that I would like to give things another go after our time apart, but that leads us to last weekend where I find out that he slept with a girl. She's someone I briefly know and she has an awful reputation which made it even worse.

I can't be angry at him, he's single. But I just feel like I could never get back together with him after that, it's not even the fact that he did it, it's because of the person it was with (I would never like to slate another girl or be horrible about her so I'll leave it at that).

He was sobbing to me the next day because he regretted it so much, he was drunk and didn't realise what he was doing. He's very embarrassed and begged me not to tell anyone about it.

I really don't know what I'm looking for here, but I just feel so down about it all has anyone been in this type of situation before? Or does anyone have any advice for me? I know I might be overreacting but please be kind x

I’m sorry to hear about your break up, they are really tough!

Why did you split up in the first place?
Don’t go back to him because you feel sorry for him, that isn’t good for either of you!

You really need to cut contact with him and have some breathing space.

You haven't yet had a break from this man. You need a proper amount of time and space completely away from him so you can sort out how you feel in your own mind about your life, what you want from it in all sorts of ways, not just from a relationship. Once you have a clear idea you'll know whether you want to try again with him or not, but right now you haven't yet given yourself the break you clearly wanted a few months ago.

To get over him you need to go no contact.
I recommend reading Natalie Lue's 'The No Contact Rule'

store.baggagereclaim.co.uk/product-category/books/

I found it helpful some years ago and bought one of her other books too (ebooks)

Another one here who is going to tell you no contact. It’s the only way.

Stop all contact and start dating other guys.

You're with him, you're not with him, you want to be with him, he's with someone else, you're comforting him and keeping his secret...

So much drama.

Find someone you feel peaceful with. Find a relationship you don't need advice from a forum about. But first, be single. Properly single. Not speaking-to-your-ex-everyday-and-maybe-wanting-him-back single.

I don’t get why everyone is feeling sorry for you. You’ve clearly been messing with this dudes mental health ever since you dumped him and now you’re trying to play the victim? Move on. It’s none of your business who he has sex with, oh and a nice bit of slut shaming too to boot!

You dumped him. He's been contacting you upset and at no point did you say "look we need to stop contacting each other to move on". Then he slept with someone and you don't approve of her "reputation" (whatever that means!).

He is the one who needs help getting over you. You owe him this help, you can help him by stopping contact with him.

Op, you really can’t break up with someone, keep in contact with them everyday after, dangly the thread of getting back together with them and then when you find out they had the audacity to sleep with someone else, get annoyed with them-not because of the action but with who it was with. I don’t think you have been very nice in all this and it is time to be properly single and let your ex meet someone who does not treat him like you have.

Thank you everybody for the replies, I think no contact is the only way.

And just to clarify to some of the comments I've got, I have not been "stringing" him on we've spoken a lot since the break up but that's because he has reached out to me and I have never wanted to ignore him when he's upset I just couldn't do that, I've told him to move on so many times and I have also told him we should stop speaking. But every time we stop speaking for a few days he reaches out to me telling me he's depressed etc I could never ignore him when he's reaching out to me in that way!!

And as for the girl, I definitely wasn't slut shaming. By reputation I didn't mean the amount of people she slept with I meant the type of person she is in general, but I didn't want to go in to it anymore than that as I didn't want to use this forum to drag down another girl!!

Thank you to those who have left kind, helpful replies