Please tell me I've done the right thing

[BellaB82]

I don't even know where to start. Im 39 and he's 38, I've been with my partner the last 11 months. He was and still is living with his ex partner if 18 years, he had seen a solicitor and advised needed to pay her off a large sum of money (this is in Scotland not sure how it works). He doesn't have the means to raise the money quickly.

We had discussed future plans and both had the same intentions marriage, kids etc thought I'd finally found the one 😥 we've had our ups and downs but was very happy together.

She has been violent in the past to him I do know this true as I know her (not friends but have same circle of friends) and is am alcoholic. She is not aware of me but is aware he is in a relationship.

Anyway the last couple of weeks have been tough for me, I do not want to be kept a secret anymore and today I finished the relationship. I have been crying ever since, its unbearable. Please tell me I've done the right thing and this pain will go away 💔

You did the right thing. His ex- is always going to be around your relationship one way or another and you are better off without that.

I'm not going to tell you that you've done the right thing. I think there's a tendency on mumsnet for people to advise posters to end relationships all the time, for reasons that often seem minor to me. I'm no expert. But I will tell you that this will pass and you'll get over it, and will find other things to fill your time and thoughts.

Presumably you told him that the secrecy had to end or you were out, and he wouldn't stop the secrecy? If so, much respect to you for knowing where your boundaries are and being strong. That's impressive. Hugs to you ; I hope you feel better soon.

If you were unhappy with the way things were going then it is the right thing to do. I expect you feel sad for what could have been a great relationship in the right circumstances but it sounds like this guy still needs to sort out his life and get on an even keel before beginning a new relationship. After 11 months you shouldn't be a secret!