Messages

[Isitme2021]

Hi All,

Just after some advice and not sure if it is something I do without realising or what. I’m 33 and have been in a relationship for 2 years. Previously to this relationship, I was with someone for 12 years and have two children.

I seem to always be the target for men to message or try to show an interest especially men who want to be unfaithful. Recently my best friend has started seeing a new man - after 2 months she introduced me we chatted. Social media ads and he messages ‘nice to meet u’ I replied thanks and them it escalates into him messages i’m his type. Had similar with a bloke I used to know asked me if i’d be interested in a ‘hook up’ and it seems to happy regularly and makes me uncomfortable. He isnt the first guy to message.

For whats it worth i’ve never cheated and very rarely flirt or anything like that. Does this
mean I’m doing something to encourage these things or do lots of girls experience this?

Thank you for any advice x

It happens to everyone. It’s just what lots of men are like.

Yeah, it happens to me all the time. Slightly overweight, averagely attractive, 46 but it hasn't stopped most of my friends' husbands/partners/business partners trying it on with me at some point

They all seem to choose 2am to message too.

Just don't engage.

You’re doing nothing wrong. You’re obviously attractive and unfortunately there are a too many creepy fkers out there who think it’s ok to try their luck.

Don’t add people on SM unless they are actually your friend. It’s the only way to stop the weirdos in their tracks.

Just block them.

I hope you told your best friend what a sleeze her boyfriend is.

@Aquamarine1029

I hope you told your best friend what a sleeze her boyfriend is.

I did. Turns out he had also messaged her sister.

Thank you so much! I felt like I was giving off some vibe to these men.

Her sister 😱 I was going to say that some men scatter gun and message every woman they vaguely know. Facebook is awful for it, men of yore sliding into DM's... I used to leave them on read, I've come off it now. Twitter and Fitness platforms are also terrible for sleazy men.

Only by being a female.
Totally normal- unfortunately.
Block and ignore.

Thank you I suppose that’s why shows like Love Island make reference to ‘sliding into DMs’.

I was horrified when a couple we’ve been friends with for ages - the man messaged me and asked for a meet up. I said no and he replied ‘what hisgf doesnt know wont hurt her’ then I had to see him the next week at a mutual friends baby’s christening and I remember thinking how on Earth can you act like you weren’t inappropriate?

Nothing like this has ever happened to me.
But i am very ugly.

I’m 40 and I wouldn’t say I’m ugly at all (though happily married to Dh for 12 years) and this certainly has never happened to me.

But I am quite assertive and no doubt everyone who vaguely knows me knows I’d not take kindly to this sort of thing (and probably publicly out them!). So I’m guessing they know better.

Happens to me quite regularly and I find it frustrating too op

Had happened to me in the past.
It's not you.
This is all them. Don't engage.

@mindutopia

I’m 40 and I wouldn’t say I’m ugly at all (though happily married to Dh for 12 years) and this certainly has never happened to me.

But I am quite assertive and no doubt everyone who vaguely knows me knows I’d not take kindly to this sort of thing (and probably publicly out them!). So I’m guessing they know better.

Do you have social media? Do you add people you just have met once or twice or not at all yet? If not then I can see how it wouldn't happen.

You should be able to add a friend's bf though without him trying something... But it's just life.

@YouShouldLeave I must be very ugly too ... never happens to me
But then I am not interested in SM and quite boring and unsocial

Yep me too, alot when I was single, it used to really get me down but reading this has made me feel better Its not just me. Just depressing though isnt it...I'd be gutted if I found out my OH was doing the same !

@mindutopia

I’m 40 and I wouldn’t say I’m ugly at all (though happily married to Dh for 12 years) and this certainly has never happened to me.

But I am quite assertive and no doubt everyone who vaguely knows me knows I’d not take kindly to this sort of thing (and probably publicly out them!). So I’m guessing they know better.

I think it's that your married not that everyone else it happens to isn't assertive

I don't entertain it for a second but they don't know that until they try it. There's a certain type of man (most given my experience) who, no matter how well they know you, or waht your personality, try it on once you're single.

I reckon that, if you found yourself single, you'd get it just as much as the rest of us. I never had it when I was married but since being single...

Oh it never happens to me!!!! What's wrong with me?!

I'd be gutted if I found out my OH was doing the same !

I suspect the wives and partner of these men feel the same. It really puts me off having another relationship tbh.

@wizzywig

Oh it never happens to me!!!! What's wrong with me?!

Nothing. You're very lucky!

I feel so much better! Very glad I started this thread.