Marriage breakdown, help and advise desperately sought

[Grizzlygrowler]

I've been married for 11 years. We have 3 kids together, 8, 4 and 2. I just think it's disintegrated. He's not supportive and I just feel like every aspect of my life is a battle. It's bad enough with 3 kids and the chaos they cause, but everything is on me, the mental load, my job, the childcare and all he does is criticise. He wants a medal for bathing them but that's literally all he does, aside work, which I do, and earn more so not like we're reliant on that. Wtf do I do?! I'm not happy but the kids are. And they're my world. But I've got to the stage where if the only break I get is 2 days a week then it doesn't sound so bad. I don't know. This is a vent. I just dont know, it's been shit for years now though. 😔

What do you get out of this relationship now?

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?

I doubt that the kids are as happy as you think they are because they are growing up seeing a man who criticises. Would you want them to be in a marriage like you describe, no you would not. It’s not good enough for you either.

Staying for the sake of the children does them a huge disservice and further teaches them that your relationship was based on a lie.

I think there can be argument for staying for the kids if you have a couple years left till they leave the house for example... But your youngest is 2. Do your really want to live 16+ years unhappy. Kids will pick up on it anyway, no way you both can fake it for that long (doesn't seem like he would anyway)

Really feel for you, its hard bloody work and if you're not even appreciated for it what's the point... my OH isnt perfect and neither am I but we do work as a team and quality time with the kids (including bath, bedtime, sharing night wakings) is important to him as a father. Some men unfortunately are under the impression its "our job".
Do you think if you tell him you need it to be more equal or likely you'll split he would do something about it

Its sounds like normal family life with the man not pulling his weight a good percentage of the UK population is like this. But I am not saying it should be. Before thinking of breaking up your family couldn't you try counselling give him an ultimatum it's that or a separation as you are seriously contemplating going it alone. All this is said on the basis that he is just lazy and the odd moan not if he is abusive in anyway. If he is leave or seek help please.