Anyone else dumped anyone who self-sabotaged afterwards?

[SamusIsAGirl]

Something I noticed about my first two DPs is that both spectacularly sabotaged themselves post split. I have no idea why since it didn't affect me at all. I had someone who went from decent predicted A-levels to someone who handed in a practical assignment with no ruled lines and dog's teethmarks on it.
My second one did similar - he had been genuinely ill but his academic grades went into a death spiral as all he did was play videogames and ignore his tutor.
It was almost as if they were competing with me when they went out rather than doing it for their own ends?

Anyone else?

Are you talking about teenagers? How long ago are we talking here? Or are you still very young? That's not unusual at all. Many teens struggle to cope with the emotions of relationships at the same time as studying.

Yeah, there were but it was still bizarre at the time. Having said that they were both very bad at emotional regulation to the point that they would assume any bad things that happen to them were everyone else's fault.

I think they were both a bit indulged and hadn't really got the tools for critical thinking and self-reflection.

Are you suggesting that they were both so devastated by the break up that they purposely fucked up their education?

Not really, at least number 2 was already on the slide but it was strange to watch and something of a relief that I was well out of that. It's just why would you do that when the only person who's really getting hurt is yourself?

Teenage boys sometimes mess up. This isn't news to anyone.

How long ago was this OP?

You were all teenagers. I don't understand the point of this post at all. Teenage boys aren't well known for critical thinking or reasonable behaviour. Nor are teenage girls. I wouldn't give this anymore thought and their behaviour was nothing to do with you.

For me, I found it weird since there was a degree of competition during the relationship - not all of it a bad but it was like they didn't feel they needed to compete against me when it was over.

It's the sort of thing I could imagine some adults doing if they felt they needed to 'win' somehow?

You’re talking about teenage boyfriends, not partners, right? Young boys who don’t know how to regulate their emotions. You didn’t break their hearts forever, OP. I’m sure they’re fine now.

It's just why would you do that when the only person who's really getting hurt is yourself?

You're coming across a little bit unempathetic there, OP.

Many people have self-destructive behaviours and patterns of thought. Those behaviours don't grow out of logic - they are generally either learned from family, come from a place of low self-esteem, or a combination of the two.

Lots of teens of both sexes fuck up their exams (or uni, jobs, living situation etc) with no relationship being present at all. Some people self-destruct, that's all.

Well these are not partners are they it’s teen stuff, I expect plenty more was going on for these lads than just getting dumped by you l, you said one was already ‘on the slide’.

You don’t seem very empathetic though, how old are you and have you ever been on the receiving end of a ‘dumping’?

They struggled post break-up and your take on it is that they were competing with you?
That is a strange take.

When I taught a levels my welcome speech included

"The most important rule, one you cannot break, is no boy/girlfriend until you have taken your last exam. Carry that on until you finish University if you want to do well. No! I am not joking. Just don't do it!"

Every bloody year they all laughed. 18 months later at least one would come and tell me they wished they had listened. It's what you do when you're a teen. You fail to cope. It's part of how you grow up.

I just wished they'd choose a better time to do it!

The second one was a DP or so I thought. But the wheels came off not long after he dumped me. It was strange to watch but a relief to realise that it wasn't on me what with where to live next year and all that.

Thing was, it was already a slow car crash as he'd checked out of his degree - I guess I thought I could help but when it was clear he wasn't on the team I guess I should have dumped him then.