Google search history

[19Bears]

Very quick background, I want to separate from dh but can't bring myself to do it, staying for the kids, all the usual, no intimacy for 10 years etc etc. He is carrying on as if everything is fine.

I'm trying to find the one reason to say enough is enough, but it's always seemingly minor things that have built up over time to kill the love, not one big thing.

For a while now I've been looking at dh's search history, not snooping, his google is actually linked to my ds9's tablet and he's not aware that I can see everything he's searching for. This is usually when me and my son sit together and play a game together, do his home learning etc, so he can see it too when we open google.

The list is always like this - ebay
arsenal transfer news
nigel farage
gb news
my name twitter
demi rose
morrissey

All of which is questionable enough. Especially the spying on my twitter. I don't even mind the thing about Demi Rose as previously I had thought he could be gay, so maybe this means he does fancy women. Not me though, apparently. Anyway, the list now includes

     Demi Rose Onlyfans
     Onlyfans
     Only fans

I don't know a lot about Onlyfans, but I do know it's related to porn. Is this crossing the line now?? Bearing in mind it's not just on his phone, it's on our child's tablet. What if he clicked on it?

Is this my big thing??

Only Fans is porn, more or less. But if you haven't been intimate for 10 years it's probably not all that surprising. Many people look at porn whether or not they have intimacy in their relationship anyway.

I don't think you need any One Big Reason to break up with him. If you're not happy then you can leave.

Do you really think you're modelling healthy relationship behaviour to your son? Parents who don't really like each other let alone have affection and kindness between them. Plus the fact he's a Farage fan. Ugh.

Living in this dynamic sounds toxic, suffocating and not in the best interest of your son tbh.

Onlyfans . . . meh. But Nigel Farage AND GB News? Surely that's two big reasons right there.

I don't understand why it's a big problem to live with someone who has different political views to you. I often have differing views from my other half. I have friends from all across the political spectrum. Sometimes we talk about it, but mostly politics doesn't come into daily discussion.
But honestly, is that really your problem? It seems like you have no love or affection for him and it's turning into irritation which will turn into loathing. Surely it would be better for your children to leave and the pair of you form an amicable parenting partnership, than wait for the inevitable split to become acrimonious and which will affect their adult years as well.

You're looking for excuses. A bit of porn isn't a big deal in my book. Nigel farage is absolutely but depends on how important you see this and what you originally signed for. These feel small tho compared to the fact you just don't want to be with him anymore. That's enough!

@Earlydancing. Whilst I know what you are saying— if you are with someone who lives and breathes politics it’s not that simple as it literally ‘is there’ all the time

I think you’re being a bit unfair. If you want to leave you need to make the decision and not hope his Google search history crosses an imaginary line in the sand.

You don’t need him to be in the wrong or the one to blame. Leave because you are unhappy or I’ve fallen out of love.

@Crikeyalmighty. Fair comment. 🙂 I feel the same about football. 😒 😁

Nigel Farage is reason enough to leave

@Earlydancing. I was actually going to mention football and sport— I actually had a real issue in my first marriage as it totally took over— home matches, away matches, 3rd rate league matches in the week etc

If you really loved him the difference in political views would not matter that much .
And if you are not intimate then I don’t think you can be surprised at the searches

You are living a miserable life and I bet your children can sense it . I get the feeling you would be happier and so would they if you ended it

Nigel farage, brexit, UKIP, Tory: not a good combo. Plus you sound really fed up with dh. Sounds like it’s time for a change.

For a while now I've been looking at dh's search history, not snooping, his google is actually linked to my ds9's tablet and he's not aware that I can see everything he's searching for.

Sounds like snooping to me.

Thanks everyone. Yes I am unhappy for many reasons. I guess I am looking for the one reason that 'justifies' my feelings (or lack of) towards him so he'll accept what I'm telling him. Up to now he's just "what have I even done wrong?"
I'm just tired and need that final straw. I accept I actually don't need to wait for any straw, I can just make the decision. It's just trying to get it through to him once and for all. Thanks for all the replies x

I thought only fans was more personal because you pay for the content you view and you talk to the people providing the content but I'm probably completely wrong?

I wouldn’t totally be out off by someone’s google history. I google all sorts of weird things, someone looking at mine would think I’m a complete lunatic!

You'll "get through" to him by acting on your words, not by proving you have a "good enough" reason to split up. If he usually shuts you down and does an ostrich when you try to break up, then nothing you say will be enough because he doesn't want to hear you.

You need to start a divorce, and start living separately, even if it's in the same house to start with. Actions alongside words.

I still want to know what’s questionable about reading Arsenal transfer news *misses point completely”