Wwyd

[Iamaperiwinkle]

Friend for over 30 years. Flakey with everyone but she is my oldest friend and has helped when my life has imploded. More like a sister than a friend.

But every single time she comes to stay she doesn’t do what it agreed, maybe once a year at the most - more like every two years. She is a hoarder so doesn’t invite us to visit.
Our children are exactly the same age as each other.
She has been through a lot with her beloved mother dying in the last couple of years etc

Example - before Covid arranged to in 2020 arranged stay Wednesday to Saturday . We talk once every week on phone so she knows what we are doing. Turns up on Tuesday morning (we had the whole week off) I was busy - she’s like fine we can go out or just stay in etc but will work round us. She did Tuesday and Wednesday and then left late on Wednesday evening. Leaving the bit we had blocked off for her now free. But we had turned down going away for her.
She phoned two weeks ago and the chat happened the same as always - can I come and stay in the two weeks. When I say? Book weekend out for her and turn down play dates etc and then this morning a text to say her father came to stay earlier in the week and has decided to stay a bit longer for the weekend so she now won’t be coming.
Maybe she’ll come the following week.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself in counselling and before I have always told her how it devalues me and my life and upsets me but it has continued same old - even the kids says it’s auntie Emma - coming that means she won’t come when planned -but after a couple of months of counselling I’m now thinking - this is an abusive relationship too right(?) different relationship but still not respecting boundaries etc or valuing my life, although she would stop everything at 2 am to drive through the night for me?

Wwyd - explaining how much it pisses me off has no effect so it will be back off the leave the friendship of put up with it

• in the meantime she has me doing a work job that I didn’t want do for her etc under duress with her pleading and pleading for me to do it - argh…….

My 'best friend' accepted my wedding invitation. My Dad was paying for the entire wedding (tradition). He has never been a wealthy man.

On the day, she and her husband didn't show up. No contact from them.

A month later I had heard nothing, and was worried more than mad. I contacted her.
She said 'Ugh, sorry. I felt ill that day. My husband said I should have called you the day before.'

It hurt, but I stopped bothering at that point.

After reading your latest update @Iamaperiwinkle, she is not a friend. She is a user and a bad one at that.
Stop trying to bend over backwards to suit her.
Next time she tries to arrange a visit, just say "That's nice. You had better sort your own accommodation this time because when I tried to organise things, you cancelled last minute and I was very put out. At least you can get your money back with a hotel and you can tell me when you get here".
You will be more available then for the people in your life that are genuinely real friends or even to start enjoying your own company.

The scales are falling from my eyes but she is my oldest friend and I can’t afford to lose friends right now.

If she's a good friend in other ways, just don't invite her to stay again.
And don't make any arrangements where it will matter if she lets you down.

(It really doesn't sound as if she is a good friend, tho, or as if you'd lose much by binning her off.
That's up to you, of course.)