For those who regret getting married...

[Everydayisawindingroad]

Inspired by the high proportion of posters on another thread commenting about wishing they hadn’t got married. At what point did you realise you hadn’t made the right call?

For me it was just after dc1 was born I started having doubts. I can’t even begin to imagine not having my dc in my life so I feel torn saying I wish I hadn’t married him.

I knew deep down before the wedding. I think I married him because I felt I had won so to speak as he'd chose me over someone else. Crazy. He bet me for 15 years.

I knew before the wedding that it was unlikely to work, but I didn't want to believe it wouldn't.

I knew after 2-3 years. I try not to think of it that way though, like you I've got my dcs now and I can't wish them away. With any life decision I don't think it's as simple as wrong or right. You made the decision based on the knowledge and feelings you had at the time. Yes, maybe I would have left the relationship and next week found an amazing new partner. Or maybe I would have been single since then and wishing I had stayed and had dcs.

@dieblauenStrumpfhosen

I knew before the wedding that it was unlikely to work, but I didn't want to believe it wouldn't.

This for me too.

I really loved who I thought my XH was but it was a very carefully held together persona. Looking back there were cracks and red flags that I had not understood for what they were, a sign of the real person underneath.

It started to sink in on the honey moon that I had made a huge mistake, but I stayed for about a year and a half fighting to make it work before I had had enough of his increasingly shitty behaviour and left.

Together 6 years. Cracks and ref flags were apparent before I married him. In hindsight, at the three year mark, we broke up but got back together. Roll on another 3 years and in the meantime we got married. I thought he'd change, but within a year of getting married I realised we were too different and ultimately incompatible. I also couldn't imagine having children with him. Thankfully, I'm currently pregnant via IVF using sperm donor but the bitterns over that relationship and my lack of agency still haunts me.

With the exception of wonderful dc’s it’s all very sad that we didn’t end up with the marriage we’d hoped for. I may get a “fresh start” in the future but for now I need to settle with things they way they are.

I never fancied him. I thought that I was being left on the shelf at 34. We lasted 9 years before Id had enough. I should have divorced at 1 year in when he handed my a present for my birthday and it was an advertising pamphlet, wrapped up in birthday paper. He disappeared every night at 10.30 to go to the pub, then went to the pub the night I had to have an abortion. He felt sad and was struggling to cope.
I slept in another bed at his request and did so for the 10 years we were together. I wish I could go back and give myself a slap...a hard one too!
I really struggle to look for anyone else. I try, but it reminds me that generally men on dating apps are dire.

I wish Id waited before getting married.

Hmm, I knew before. But I guess social pressure got to me. That and the apparent romance of it, he was French, lived abroad. And I have to admit, the idea of moving abroad really appealed. If he'd have been a street sweeper in a poor country he wouldn't have appealed so much.

We rub along OK but if it wasn't for the kids and lifestyle I would be gone. He irritates me so much.

When I married my ex I stood outside the registry office and thought of these lines from one of my favourite all time novels, “But why was I thinking of calling it off at this late stage?”. Those words haunted me for the next 16 years.

I knew well before I did it. And was by then in love with someone else
But invites had gone out
I felt trapped.

Kicked him out around 5 months later

I had huge doubts in the run up to the wedding and I really wish I’d listened to how I was feeling and not gone through with it. After we were married, our first honeymoon was when it really sunk in that I wasn’t in love with him anymore. It took me another 6 months after that to leave.

Best decision I ever made for myself though, life is much easier and stress free now. I just wish I’d been more honest with myself and not gone through with the marriage in the first place.

I knew before the wedding. But was 21 and felt a lot of pressure from family and didn't know how to stand up for myself. I love my kids so much though.
We both know we are only together for the kids. In fact, he says that to me all the time.
It is hugely depressing and I don't really know what to do. Still facing lots of pressure from our family/cultural/religious backgrounds.
We live pretty separate lives, sleep in different rooms, there is no affection. He is not abusive but I don't feel safe, as in I know he doesn't have my back. So most of the time I feel very lonely.
If I could turn back time....

On the way to the ceremony….. BIL was giving me away, I said to him I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it. BIL said “you’ll be fine, it’s just nerves”. No it wasn’t. Took a long time to unravel the mess - My own stupid mess. Never again.