How important is physical ‘fancying’

[Savoretti]

Mid 50s so no youngster, am just wondering if friendship and compatibility and affection are enough? Quite happy to DTD and be intimate, I just don’t have the phwoar feeling when I look at him and wonder if I’m not being fair on him as he has it for me (and I’m not exactly Miss Perfect)

I think it's very important!!! I still fancy my DH as much as I ever did ! And moreover he fancies me as much as he ever did despite the fact that my body has changed due to pregnancies (obviously). He makes it very clear he fancies me as much as ever. It's very important to me

I don’t fancy my DH anymore at all. He’s got a beer belly and has now got some weird tic things going on on his face.
I’ve no desire to DTD or even kiss him anymore.
We are two people living in a house together. That’s it.

@DinosaurDiana. That’s an important point— a lot of people are in relationships were to be honest the other half is no longer that physically attractive to them— and what makes it more awkward is that the relationship as such can be fine but you just don’t much fancy sex with them— which is ok if both feel like that but that’s often not the case

I married my second husband on this basis. Sex was ok, even good, but it was the friendship that was the strongest part.

However- once the friendship started to sour, there wasn't anything else left to 'glue' the relationship back together, and the marriage failed.

IMO you need at least those two parts to be equally strong- the desire and the friendship.

There is a thread about menopause and sex drive I don’t know if this is applicable but nearly everyone said they just don’t feel that horny any more so it might not be him?

here is the thread

For me it’s the most important thing. Unfortunately for me it always wanes after a few years and that’s why I find myself single a lot! I’m 50’s and enjoy single life and trying our new models every now and again! Long term coupledom and monogamy is definitely not for me.

I don’t think it would bother me as long as the person wasn’t repulsive to me. I would need to like them though, I think if you really like someone you sort of start to find them attractive even if you initially didn’t.

It definitely feels different if you find the person very attractive.
My ex was very into his physical appearance bodywork DP isn't although I love DP millions.
I was more physically attracted and had a higher sex drive with ex, we'd no DC either.
After 15 years with DP, 2 DC, he has put on a couple of stone, I'm a moody cow, we're busy, bills, work, house-work all libido killers.