Is it even possible to stop falling in love with someone?

[weensdale]

Hello folks. What I am about to post may sound childish, but I am genuinely interested, if it's even possible to stop falling for someone. Short story here. There's a new girl in my work place. We have absolutely no relationship beside work. So basically we only communicate during the working hours. What I have noticed recently, is that I've developed some sorts of feelings towards her, I have no idea where they come from and why, because once again our relationship is 0. And they kind of get worse each passing day. Now I know very well that this is not a "love", but last time when such event occurred ( few years ago) I had to go through literal hell for 3 years, only because the girl I though I did not love, left for another country and never came back.

I don't even think about asking her out for few simple reason. I am certain she has no interest in me. There's an age gap ( not illegal one), me being in my mid twenties and her in late teens ( 26/19). Also I am not in the position and moment in my life, where I can think and act like a kid again, as I can't focus on my job anymore and my productivity dramatically decreased. So I have no idea what to do. I know there's only two way, either talk with her or just bloody forget everything. I'll be honest, I am quite afraid to talk with her as I don't want to come like some kind of creep ( because of age difference) , but I also have no idea how to stop myself from feeling this way as it's getting worse everyday. Yeap, my emotional state is like of a teen. Sorry for my english guys and thanks for reading this post. Thanks in advance

Have you looked up limerance?

It's an intense crush, you don't know her so there should be plenty of reasons why and how you can stop this, firstly it's one sided don't put so much thought into someone you haven't even made a real connection with, she seems to be your only distraction? I'm assuming, if you take interest in others looking for others to date that would take your focus off her.
Also the age difference and that she's likely to be in a different stage of life to you maturity wise, incompatibilities that you're not even aware of.
Working together even if you did get together is a risk, if you were to break up, the awkwardness and the gossip is an undesirable thought.

Perfectly normal.... don't worry. You've got a crush on her... so, as you said, either talk to her or casually try and get to know her or accept the crush and hope it fades quickly.

Someone else mentioned limerance. This is an incredibly painful, quite devastating emotional state to be in and it can last years. It's also irrational. Look it up... it might help explain how you feel.

If not, then yes, just a crush... it will pass xx

youre not falling in love with her. Youre developing a crush. Its normal, and it doesnt actually mean anything. It isnt a sign from the stars that you need to act on, especially if shes not shown any sign of being interested in you, or youre not free and single.
Most people have little crushes here and there.

I once read that we cannot control our feelings, BUT - we CAN control how we act regarding our feelings. Which I think means that, no, you can't stop yourself from falling in love, but yes, you can control whether you try to turn your feelings into a relationship or whatever.

It's the same as anger. Anger is a feeling. We all get angry and can't stop it from happening. But we can control whether we lash out and punch a person or whether we punch a cushion IYSWIM

Well, that might explain some stuff. Thanks guys

I agree it's a work crush. Lots of people are especially attractive at work - they are well dressed, polite, focused. We don't see them when they are irritable because they've lost the car keys, or they've made the bathroom stink or they are slobbed out in front of a TV programme you hate picking their teeth It's easy to get intense feelings for some idealised image of someone. It protects you from the more complex emotions of loving the whole person, imperfections and all.

Definitely talk with her - not, as you say, creepy chat up lines, but just if you get a chance, ask polite things like 'do anything fun at the weekend?' and then you might find out if you have anything in common, if she has a boyfriend etc.' Or you could chat about work or lunch - anything to get to know her as a complete human being. Do it when other people are around and ask them too.

Limerance is different from a crush. It is really hard to deal with and often happens as a result of some maybe unrelated trauma (eg bereavement). The way to avoid it is to avoid the person, to keep very busy doing other things and to nurture something you have a real passion for - a sport or creative activity outside of work - something which you can put that passionate emotion into.

If you had such strong feelings for another woman who left the country, who never even knew how you felt, it sounds like you need some experience getting close to a girl you like who likes you too. It doesn't have to be a huge crush. But genuine mutual affection, time spent together doing fun things etc are way more valuable than idealised fantasy.