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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I end this?

12 replies

ThenTheRain · 08/07/2021 19:06

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years. I haven’t coped at all well with the pandemic and I think I suffered some sort of breakdown earlier this year.

I couldn’t sleep at night, I couldn’t stay awake during the day, I didn’t have the strength to wash, I gave up pretty much most of my life. I actively considered suicide on a number of occasions.

We don’t live together but I popped over to see him today. I was saying that I felt a little bit better.

When I was there he had a work call from a mutual colleague (we work together). It was clear that he and she talked regularly about me. She was commenting on the fact that I was apparently’better’ now but said in a scathing tone like I had been faking it.

I asked him about this and he took her side and said that ‘did I deny that I’d spent the past year skiving?’ and ‘was any of what she said untrue?’

I asked him if he thought I was exaggerating. He said ‘I dunno’ and that he thought my symptoms were extreme.

I’m devastated. The one person that I thought would understand has apparently spent the last few months thinking I’m skiving and exaggerating (for what purpose I don’t know).

OP posts:
loveisagirlnameddaisy · 08/07/2021 19:08

Is there any chance they've struck up a relationship while you've been unwell?

Sorry to hear that it's been a tough year, I hope your health continues to improve.

ThenTheRain · 08/07/2021 19:13

Hi, do you mean like a sexual relationship? I doubt it. I mean it’s not impossible but it’s extremely unlikely. A

OP posts:
ThenTheRain · 08/07/2021 19:13

Also - thanks for your well wishes. Means a lot. Flowers

OP posts:
messybun101 · 08/07/2021 19:19

So glad to read that you are feeling better op. Sending well wishes Thanks

I am so sorry that you are with such an arsehole. I couldn't be with someone who accused my MH of being lies. I'd end it to be honest. The hurt will be so much more if you stay. He obviously values this other woman over you

ThenTheRain · 08/07/2021 19:29

Thanks. Flowers I’m just really shocked at his lack of support.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 08/07/2021 19:31

I would walk. If your partner hasn't got your back, who has?

spotcheck · 08/07/2021 19:34

This is incredibly disloyal of him. I'd lose all trust

thaimoon · 08/07/2021 19:46

Ah, so sorry that you've had a tough time recently op, and I'm glad you're starting to feel better.

If we were being kind, we could say perhaps your boyfriend has not struggled with poor mental health in the same way and does not understand, or perhaps he has been affected by seeing you struggle and doesn't know how to manage his feelings about it.

However, even if these previous facts are true (which is the best case scenario) he should still have come to you to discuss things, ask you how he could help or if you could help him to understand. Not be bitching about you to others behind your back.

It would be a deal breaker for me I think, sorry

girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 20:21

Yeah I'd end it. If you can't trust him and he's speaking to a colleague of all people about you then what's the point?

TheFoundations · 08/07/2021 20:28

Yes. He doesn't respect your feelings. Respect your own, and get out. Let it be the display of self respect that aids your recovery.

Ripley1977 · 08/07/2021 20:31

I agree with all the other comments, the last thing you need is an unsupportive tactless git in your life, you've had an awful time of it he should be there for you. So sorry OP Flowers

Opaljewel · 09/07/2021 09:29

Dump this arsehole right now. He is not the man for you. Glad you're feeling bit better op! Flowers

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