How do you break up with someone?

[WonkyWardrobe]

Not really sure how I have got well into adulthood having never had to break up with some one in a civil, adult way, past relationships have usually ended after an argument or a specific incident iyswim?

Long story short, I met someone online and I have been seeing them a while now but my gut tells me he's not for me. There's been a couple of "red flags" for me (sulking about a very insignificant thing , saying inappropriate things and when called out on it says he's joking) but there been no major issues and I guess he seems to think everything is going swimmingly as he's mentioned future plans.

Do I do it by text? At mine (we live a good 30/40 minutes from each other)? The whole its not you its me thing?

I'm sure I'm over thinking this, but I don't really know what I'm supposed to do tbh.

I'd say sending a text is perfect
It's a new relationship, you don't owe him anything and nothing to salvage ... just be polite factual and thank him for the good times you've had together but it's run it's course and you hope he finds what he's looking for ...

How long is a while? If someone is invested and thinks the relationship has a future (unless there are serious issues or it's only been a week) in person or on the phone is much more respectful than text. Give a heads up, 'Jim, I would really like to talk about us' and arrange a time to visit or call. Then just say it's been lovely getting to know him but be clear you don't see a future together. Bit of an 'it's not you, it's me'. If the red flags have really concerned you, text is fine. It's never a nice conversation to have but you're absolutely doing the right thing in ending it so you can meet someone better suited.

If it's still in the 'seeing each other' stage then the text is perfectly fine. Don't use 'it's not you, it's me' or anything in that vein because actually it is him. He's the one displaying the red flags and you're the one making the sensible decision

Meet in person if he/you have talked about the future or being exclusive; text if you've just been dating.

Tell him how you feel, not what he did wrong. He can argue against 'You said you were joking when you weren't', he can't argue against 'I feel uncomfortable when someone says they're joking but I think they're not.'

By 'it's not you, its me' I don't mean pretend it's just a decision you've made for no reason, just that you don't have to have a difficult discussion about the issues you've noticed if you don't want to.

Not in your home, or his ideally. You don't want to have to push or argue him out the door.

If you decide face to face is best, make it somewhere neutral and public so you can avoid a scene, stay safe and make a swift but dignified exit. Don't let the conversation drag on. Just do it, and walk without a backwards glance.

Phone him if you feel guilty about texting.

I wouldn't wait for him to travel to you only to break up with him - what a waste of his time and energy.

Its been roughly 3 months of being exclusive.. though there was never really a discussion, he just sort of introduced me as his girlfriend and started referring to me as that. We had been dating not much before, obviously lockdown meant we hadn't been able to do a great deal. Ideally I would have probably let the dating stage continue a lot longer. He just seems to be pushing things to he more serious than I see them as, he talked about babies last time I saw him and I've made clear that I don't intend on more children (I have one, he doesn't have any) and then started his sulking because I reiterated it wasn't something I'm interested in and certainly not in the near future.

The sulkyness is why I think I would prefer to text him, plus the distance, but he isn't a terrible guy so I'm not sure if I owe him a face to face chat.

I do think the previous posters suggestion of thanking him for the good times, as there have been many, but saying it has run his course seems a very accurate and good way of putting it.

A text is fine in those circumstances.

A text is a lot easier. But if you feel you owe him face to face go for that. It can't be nice being dumped by text.

I will no longer do a break up in person. Last time I did that it ended badly for me.

I just call them up, no warning so they haven't got time to think, get the small talk over with and tell them it's not working due to us not being compatible. If they push I just it's not up for discussion. It's over and if you have any respect for me you will accept this. Had one fool talk over me, told him firmly it's over now fuck off and find someone else to ignore and patronise.

Text or phone him.

Text the following...

U R now my X
Keep it simple

A phone call is appropriate in my opinion. It’s just the decent thing to do.

@Canigooutyet

So you would be due respect but the person you are leaving wouldn't? I'd agree if the relationship is ending due to abuse, but if 2 people really are just incompatible, then 'no time to think' and 'no discussion' is really nasty, if you've had feelings for each other.

@WonkyWardrobe

Sounds like a text to say 'I'm uncomfortable if someone decides I'm their girlfriend without asking me first' might be appropriate!