New date, would this be too challenging?

[Sollahdf]

I’ve been seeing someone a few weeks, met around 7 times. We definitely click and have a lot in common. I had noticed though that everything was very formal. We’d have a laugh when together and then in text it was like a work email! He is the same with texts to family, signs of with things like ‘best wishes’... things that I would find funny to send to a family member or someone I am dating?!

He finds conversations about sex awkward... I’m we’ve not DTD but I stayed over last time and we were intimate. I said he’d made me come twice and he said ‘oh crikey. Shall I get some tea?’ I was utterly surprised by this response?!

He doesn’t like any change to plans at all, he will sort of say that he needs things to sink in a bit and get his head round them. This could be something as basic as deciding to have fish instead of curry for dinner.

He’s not got the best relationship history...told me quite openly he’d never told anyone he loved them. He’s late 30s so found this surprising!!

My best friend has said steer clear as this will all get old fast, but I like him! Am I going for a wrong one again...? I have form for that.

My first thought was autism too like many PP’s here.

There’s no pressure here really after 7 dates. You can either choose to go forward or not, you’re not married or living together with children after all. I’d honestly give it a shot for a little while longer and if it still bugs you, end things.

He doesn’t like any change to plans at all, he will sort of say that he needs things to sink in a bit and get his head round them. This could be something as basic as deciding to have fish instead of curry for dinner.

This is me, and I have ADHD. I can't cope with people changing arrangements particularly at the last minute.

This is reminding me of a book ive just read called The Rosie Project. It’s a piece of fiction about an academic trying to find a girlfriend- you are lead to believe that he is on the autistic spectrum although the character doesn’t know he is and it’s never stated. It’s based on someone the author knew… of course we don’t know do we about your date but it’s an enjoyable, light read and might resonate with you.

@Divebar2021

This is reminding me of a book ive just read called The Rosie Project. It’s a piece of fiction about an academic trying to find a girlfriend- you are lead to believe that he is on the autistic spectrum although the character doesn’t know he is and it’s never stated. It’s based on someone the author knew… of course we don’t know do we about your date but it’s an enjoyable, light read and might resonate with you.

Loved that book @Divebar2021

That's right and I believe @wonderbraaaas DP does have Aspergers (he had been formally diagnosed and had been open with her about it)

I wouldn't, too emotionally and physically unavailable.

Oh god. That response to you telling him you’d got off twice would have made my vagina clamp shut around him permanently. I’d feel very insecure after that and unable and unwilling to let go. How did that make you feel?

It all does sound like ASD.

It all sounds quite sweet although personally I'm a real fan of penetrative sex, so I would have to wait and see what that was like before I decided what I thought of being with him long term.

I would want someone to say they loved me eventually, that I looked gorgeous, etc etc too. Affectionate and demonstrative.

Is he affectionate withh kisses and cuddles @Sollahdf , and is that important to you? (I mean, not to a smothering extent or anything.) Does he say that he's into you, likes you etc etc- demonstrative?

Honestly @MNHQ how long are you going to allow responses like this on threads (and sorry OP, you have done absolutely nothing wrong in your post)

I have Asperger’s- formally diagnosed - and I’m completely fed up of people thinking that autism can be diagnosed from one fucking post. Maybe it is, or maybe something else went on in his childhood to make him like this? Or maybe he’s just a bit shy?

It is so fucking insulting to read ableist posts like this. Please think before you decide that it “sounds like autism”. It is not straightforward to diagnose. And we are human, with feelings, doing our best in a world of neurotypicals who have lots of rules that make no sense to us. Yet every fucking day - in real life and on MN - we have to deal with ignorance and prejudice.

Did anyone else hear the tea comment in Hugh Grant's voice?

I'm not a fan so it didn't do anything for me but I'm sure some people would love it!

Scautish - Sorry I can't tag on phone. I have ADHD with diagnosed ASD traits. Saying he sounds like he has ASD is not a judgement of his value as a person or anything, just one of those things.

We can't diagnose of course, but we can give opinions based on the knowledge we've gleaned over the years and our individual experience of various kinds.

People giving their psychological general knowledge, experiences and insights can be really useful. People helped me a lot in a thread I made by helping me see what was going on with a situation/male when I had no idea. I mean obviously OP has to relate it to her experience of the bloke and the situation to see if what someone says makes sense to her, but if someone/several people happen to have a useful perspective for the OP it can be great.

@Scautish, firstly no one is diagnosing, they are suggesting, usually from their experience.

This is no different to the advice given out on a variety of threads and topics. Will you stop people giving opinions on health conditions because they are not doctors?

Op, being rigid and formal will impact on you and if you value flexibility then long term you will start to feel resentful.

What you said definitely wouldn't put me off. He sounds endearing!

And you get along? So what if he's a bit formal

What scautish said.