oh crap what have I done

[TLV]

dh is divorcing me and we are going to be selling the house, last night he came to talk (over something to eat!) and we ended up sleeping together twice!! he was quite clear it was just sex and nothing more, I've been awake since 3am this morning and he came earlier to pick up dd and i did the whole begging thing again and have put myself back to square one, how do I get over this, I asked him to come back till xmas was over and he still wouldn't, I'm nearly 36 yrs old and I know I deserve better but I still love my dh very much, someone give me a virtual slap please

take care and look after yourself

Hope you are having a nice evening with your friends tonight. And lots of wine.

Dear kama, I don't know all the OP's circumstances but I would suggest (and maybe TLV has already done this) the following boundaries:

• not agreeing to sell house or do anything about it until the whole financial package has been agreed eg. maintenance for children, pension split etc. I certainly wouldn't agree even to a valuation. If the husband is pushing for the house to be sold that's all the more reason not to sell until her financial situation has been agreed.

• I would make him discuss all financial matters through solicitors

• I'd keep all conversations short but sweet. He needs to realize that if he divorces the OP he loses her. This is Scanner's point I think. I wouldn't even have him in the house - he needs to really understand what leaving means.

• I would go out when he has access visits. And not tell him where I'm going. Even if I didn't feel independent I would try to act that way.

• personally I would want some answers. I would say you can have your divorce once you've explained to me in a Relate session why it's over.

{{{{{{masssive masssive eardrum bursting slap for him}}}}}}}hugs for you though

They come out of my own experience... and mistakes!

How are you TLV?

Message withdrawn

if you dont respect you

why should he?

you need to look after you. and being his on call fuck isn't going to garner respect.

Your time will come TLV. There will be someone out there for you who will treat you just the way you should be. Tell this bell end to go and get his kicks somewhere else!! I'm sending you a massive hug!

hi TLV, I totally understand what you are going through. My husband left me with two DC, having had an affair with a very young friend of mine. At the time he was my world and i loved him dearly and like you we had sex throughout the break up. In the end i realised that it made me feel worse and really i was doing it to cling on and try to get something back. I now have the most lovely man who i wouldn't swap for the world. just do what you need to do but make sure you get lots of support from your friends. x

I also think it about control here, your ex seems to be dictating the situation and by sleeping with you it is messing with you making you weaker. You need to stop this and gain control for yourself, don't sleep with him and cut contact down to the minimum (I hope you are getting legal advice and the rest. Who knows sometimes when you cannot have something you want it more, if you cut contact it might make him re evaluate things though from what you said I would not hold out much hope. (sorry)